She's big

Nora
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I figure Nora is nearly grown now. I mean I look at her and I literally can't believe she is little girl. Sooner than I think she'll be a big girl, writing in her diary, hanging out with her friends; she'll have her own life, indepent of me. Weird.

So, ya know it's time to make a new person. One who smells divine and can't live without me. We're right on schedule. I'm 15 weeks pregnant, which means I will probably be able to feel the baby move in the next couple weeks. This time around everything is moving much faster. My bump is HUGE and I'm already in my maternity pants. I guess I don't have as much time to spend thinking about being pregnant as before. I often forget that I am, until I catch strangers looking at my belly trying to discern whether or not I am pregnant.

We've hired a midwife. Her name is Anna and she's great. We are doing a homebirth this time around. And now that I am comfortable with the idea I'm getting kinda excited. I mean, no packing a bag, all my food nearby, a big comfortable bed, no nail-biting car rides during transition, and since I labored almost the entire time at home with Nora, I figure it won't be all that different. Except I won't have to go anywhere and I'll have someone with me how knows how far along I am. By the way the baby is due the day after Christmas (so I'm thinking mid-January) abd we're not finding out the sex this time.

Family Portrait

Family
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last week we went to a picnic/barbeque for Alec's best friend Christian. He was in town for a week so that he and the boys could go on their fishing trip. He lives in Portland and has just finished up his internship as a doctor. I don't know what the process is until you are a practicing doctor and what little knowledge I've gained from ER has exactly filled in the blanks. All I know is he works a lot and once in a while has 12 hours off. Anyway, we is working basically the entire month of August so we are postponing our trip until August.

Me and Nora on the Road

Alec went on a well-deserved fishing trip this last weekend and rather than sit at home and think about how much extra work it is when there is only one parent. I took Nora on a road trip up to my sister's place in Big Sur. My motivation was partly due to the guilt I felt about going up there for the day with Alison and not telling anyone. But mostly I wanted help with Nora and as I've said before an 11 and 13 year old are the BEST companions for a two-year old. We had a pretty full weekend.

I took the day off on Friday, so we left at 11:00. It's about a four hour drive and she fell aspleep at about 12:00. She woke up not far from Big Sur at about 2:45 so it was a pretty easy drive, aside from the fact that I had to pee for about an hour and that I was starving but there was no way I was stopping while she was sleeping. Once we got to town, I called my friend Lori at Sierra Mar and although she was working I was told whe was out running errands, turns out I ran into her at the deli/post office. We met here about an hour later for a drink and some chips at the bar. It was so nice to catch up with her. Then I made plans to meet my friend Pam later that night. Then we headed over to my sister's and Nora enthusiastically played with her cousins while Steph and I made pizzas. Later, I went to Pam's and caught up with her while Nora was asleep.

On Saturday, we went for a nice walk at the park where my sister lives (Andrew Molera State Park) and saw the horses (please don't let Nora want a horse, please). Then we headed back for a nap (both Nora and I) and in the afternoon we again visited Pam and then met my nieces and brother in law at the Pool. Very fun. Except I had allergies all day and they got progressively worse as the day wore on. By 8 o'clock that evening I was absolutely ruined. The night was not much better. In the moring we had a late breakfast followed by a noon departure.

The drive back was great. Nora immediately took a nap and woke up about 2 and a half hours later when we stopped for lunch/dinner in San Luis Obispo. The last hour and a half were spent watching a pooh movie and singing songs till we arrived in the driveway at 5:30pm. On the whole a successful road trip.

Alec's trip was far better than ours, I assume. Mostly because he was without child. He says he missed us, which is sweet, but c'mon four days without your wife and two-year old daughter, that sounds like heaven itself. Add to that the fact that he was fishing and camping with all his good friends and I'm surprised he came home. He thanked me for letting him go and I naturally responded, "You deserved it and in another two and a half years you can go again."

7:23

I have been up for more than an hour already. We are halfway through Sesame Street already and I haven't accomplished half of what I need to this morning. Of course, there are some major impediments. We are out of milk, which means no coffee for me this moring. We have no orange juice. I think there is one slice of bread left (is it wrong to give the heel to your kid because they don't know any better?), there is no peanut butter. Take all of these things into consideration and basically I should just head back to bed, right? Ah, those were the days....
I need to decide if I would prefer to bathe or read gofugyourself. Then I need to decide what the hell we are going to have for breakfast. Could my life be anymore mundane?

Imagine my surprise

Nora with Bindy
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

When I peered over the sofa to see what form of torture Nora was inflicting on Bindy and instead found the following scene.
This is another reason why I'm glad we got two kittens, Ruby would NEVER give Nora this kind of love. Bindy on the other hand often seeks Nora out, why? I'm not sure because once Nora has ahold of her she looks at me with a sort of desperation like, "Why does this always happen to me."
More exciting news: Nora is potty-trained! At least during her waking hours. It is pretty sweet, I'm looking forward to no diapers for at least six months.

Still feel the same, but now we are plotting

Okay, I'm over feeling desperate at our situation. It is time for a plan and if there's one thing I'm good at it's planning.

The facts:
We cannot afford to live in Santa Barbara if we don't live in our current house.
We can barely afford to live in Santa Barbara if we continue to live where we do.
Living where we are, we are not building any equity and cannot save a dime.
Nora is only getting more and more expensive (daycare, pre-schools, etc.).
I feel powerless over my situation and that is never a good feeling.
There don't seem to be many job opportunities for me and even Alec's job has it's limitations.

The solution:
Move. Somewhere cheaper and more family-friendly (by that I mean we can afford to have a family).
Where?
I love California but I wouldn't want to live here if we can live near the ocean.
Cold winters are no longer an option.
Somewhere bigger, with more job options (and colleges).

We are going to Portland, OR in the next month to scope it out...


SPOILER!

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I'm pregnant.

Break Down

This weekend I sort of had a breakdown. I realized that I don't think we can stay in Santa Barbara long-term. And if we can't stay here long-term, why stay short-term? What precipitated this realization? A bank account with about $95 in it and a week until payday. Faye asking for a portion of utilities for the past four months. Interviewing at a Montessori school that would be perfect for Nora if it weren't for the tuition, approximately $800-1200 a month (for only nine months). In short, we're not making it here financially and I don't really see how we will be able to in the future, because there aren't really all that many good jobs. I think the number one occupation here is trust fund recipient. Another issue I have is the lack of people like us. You see, with median home prices at 1.2 million dollars there aren't a lot of young families. Call me a snob, but, I don't want to be friends with anyone who can afford a million dollar two-bedroom house. So, now what? We've spent nearly two years in various shitty situations waiting to live in this house and now here we are and, and, AND?!!!

The other part of this is the fact that we live in the shadow of gratitude towards Victor and Faye 24/7. They have done a lot (and I mean a LOT) for us the past two years. And we are grateful, but we'll never be grateful enough, in my opinion. We are sort of at an impasse because we (I) feel like although they are renting the house to us at a substantial discount from the market value it is still more than what we can afford. So it is difficult to continue to feel appropriately grateful when we're still struggling to make ends meet. I've never been all that good at accepting assistance (especially monetary) because there are ALWAYS strings attached. I thought that to live here I would be willing to put up with it, but I find myself thinking, "Is this really worth it?" And once you ask that question once, it sort of starts to creep into your thoughts more and more and more. Until you are forced to answer the question and I'm on the road to "No, it isn't worth it." So, now what?

I swore I wouldn't

EVER allow Barney to be viewed in my house, or Teletubbies. Alas, my resolve has weakened and she is watching that Purple montrosity as I write this.
There are a lot of things you think you'll do or not do before you have children and reality of having them changes things. Everyone knows that having kids changes your life, this is not news. But the extent of the changes are something that you can only know by doing.

I've been trying to figure out why I haven't felt like writing much, at least not consistently. And I think it is because I can't really be honest anymore. Let me clarify: certain people know of this website and I dont feel I can discuss my real feelings without a dooce-like fallout. For instance, PRIVACY is a big deal thing for us right now. Specifics? Can't really get into it without worrying about what the consequences will be. So I am thinking about how to resolve this issue. In the meantime I will continue to comment on the weather.

The sun is shining

Santa Barbara has this weird weather thing called "June Gloom" or "May Gray" depending on when it occurs, basically it means that we live in the equivilent of Portland, OR for about a month or so. It has been the last 3 or 4 weeks and it sucks. But now, the sun is out and I LOVE it. I realize that having the sun shine makes people happy, this is something that I know but I am always reminded of the truth of it at this time of year.

Other really important things that have happened/are happening:

Nora's room is done. We painted all weekend and the carpet went in on Monday. It looks great and I promise to take pictures soon.

There are no more workmen around anymore. I love the privacy.

Alison is coming for the weekend!!!! I have a million things planned and just found out that it is I Madonnari , my absolute favorite festival in Santa Barbara! I hope she has the stamina to keep up with my hectic schedule!

More info on the kitties

Okay, they are doing great.
Their names are Bindy(i)? and Ruby. One is named Bindy (haven't nailed down the spelling yet) because she has an orange spot on her forehead. The other one is called Ruby because I picked it and I like it.
I am so glad that we got two, they play and sleep and entertain each other. I give them toys and they are totally oblivious, they'd prefer to chase each other and wrestle. They also love to lay on me or Alec, but not Nora.
I underestimated how much Nora would Love them. She cannot keep her hands off them. And Alec and I spend much of our day telling her to leave them the fuck alone. But then again how can you blame her they are so damn cute. Anyway, the sooner they learn to fend for themselves, the better. I never knew toddlers were such rough giants. I think this is what parents must feel when they bring a new baby home and there orge of a 2 year old wants to hold them.

Final Inspection?

PASSED

The Kitties

The Kitties
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We got two kitties on Saturday. Nora is is heaven. I have a pretty severe cold/sinus infectiony thing, so I'm enjoying it through a haze. More later....

One of those days

Today sucks, so far.
Nora will not listen to me. Nora WILL not listen to me. NORA will not listen to me. Nora will NOT listen to me. Nora will not LISTEN to me. Nora will not listen to ME. If you think it was exhaustive to read that repeated line, imagine saying and everything else I've said today about fourteen times. I AM SICK OF REPEATING MYSELF.
She also torn the binding on a small pooh bear book that I miraculously found at a yard sale last month. It was a set of four that are exactly like the ones I had when I was little. When I saw the torn book I was way too upset. I had to leave the room. We are taking away all her books tonight, because this isn't the first (or second or third or fourth or fifth) time she's done it.
I haven't had a day like today in long time. One where people tell you how cute your kid is and you just want to laugh in their face and list all of the annoying things they've done in the past hour, and how it's enough to push you over the edge.
Thank goodness I am leaving for work in an hour and a half.

Beach Baby

Spinning 2
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last night we had a photo shoot at the beach with my friend Kelly. I met Kelly in the fall when I spent about 4 hours at Kinko's printing and trimming photos of our trip to Europe for a photo album. She came in and was trimming these absolutely gorgeous photos. I asked her about her photos and she told me she was a Brooks student (Brooks is a well-known photography school here in town). After a little while I asked her if she might know of anyone who would be willing to look at my wedding pictures (negatives really) and print out whatever ones looked good. She said she would be willing to do that. So, while she's been working on scanning about 85 pictures into her computer and cleaning them up with photoshop, she started taking a portrait class at school. Therefore she needed models for her class. I posed for a bridal portrait both outside and at a studio. We did a family portrait and she did a portrait of Nora, and this time she needed a set of siblings. She took pictures of Nora and her cousins etc. In return she is giving us a few prints and we can buy additional prints too. It's great because we've never done a full on portrait sitting as a family or even for Nora alone.
The girls go home today and I will certainly miss them, they are such helpful, nice girls. Nora will surely miss them as well.

I regret to inform you that there has been another poop incident

I didn't take pictures this time, but you can use your imaginations, oh wait, you don't need your imaginations, just refer to the earlier pictures. Main differences this time: It wasn't on her face, it wasn't all over the wall, just part of the wall, it wasn't all over the crib, just on part of it, Alec had already left for work lucky dog. This time I made Nora sit in time-out/naughty seat for nearly ten minutes. Also my poor nieces got an up-close look at what having a child can be like. One is adopting an older child, the other is an eternal optimist. Me, I can not figure out why she is doing this, furthermore I can not figure out HOW TO MAKE HER STOP. Today I am taking away her priveledges, like a two-year-old knows what that means, no Pooh, Piglet, or Roo. No playing with make-up, no jelly beans. I have no idea if this will work, like most parenting it's learn as you go.

Look Ma, I'm a Pro

Easter Family Portrait
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I've finally become a Flickr Pro. Are you happy now, Ali?
This picture is from yesterday, Easter. We had a nice time. My sister came down with her two girls, Morgan and Samantha. And then she drove home without them. That's right, I have three girls for the next few days. If I had These threee girls my life would be pretty darn sweet. Nora loves them and they are so nice. Also they're pretty much raised, so they can help out with Nora, it's pretty wonderful to have someone else (really two sommeone elses) to tell her she can't put her feet up on the table or go outside barefooted. And the weather is finally clearing up. I don't know if I've whined enough about the dreary days of rain we've been enduring, but let me assure you they were Awful. Today we are going to the beach and tomorrow we're going to a photo shoot, my fourth and Nora's second....more on that later.
Here's hoping for a week of sun and house construction leading to finishing the damn place!

Taxes

This year we actually paid a real accountant to do our taxes. Incidentally, this is also the first year I haven't gotten a big fat return, you know, the one that you spend months planning what you are going to spend it on and when it finally arrives you realize you've spend it about fourteen times over. Well, this year because of Alec working as a self-employed man for 10 months we were supposed to withhold taxes ourselves, yeah right. Now I finally understand why people put off taxes until the last minute. Thankfully we've put enough away (not paying rent during construction) to just cover it. But not the accountant's fee. Somehow things always end up working out though. Right? I guess I have finally come to the realization that we will never have enough money. I used to think that once I was done with college (all of it) I would be in my Career and be pulling in some big money. Nope.
Then again, we are very lucky with what we do have. And besides my store/cafe is going to be a huge success.

No More

This weekend we watched the last episode of the last season of Six Feet Under. I know that we are oh, about a year behind the rest of the world (or at least those that have HBO) but WOW. That show was so amazing. The characters are so finely drawn and acutely realized that you feel like these people are your friends. I think about them at work and in the evenings and well, all the time. I got my co-worker hooked but she is about 2 seasons behind me so I couldn't talk to her about the last season. Which was akin to knowing a huge secret about someone and being unable to tell a mutual friend.
But most overwhelming is the sadness. No more anticipation, no more stories. Just like when you finish a really good book and you miss the characters, but also miss the time you spent with them. So you pass the book onto your real friends and try to recapture some of the feeling by thier enjoyment. So anyone how hasn't had a chance to be enthralled, join netflix and start watching, Right Now!

This is how the shitty day ended

Balcony from our hotel room
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We went to San Diego and stayed at a nice hotel. This is the balcony and Nora loved it. So did Alec and I. We had a slendid little time.

Friday
Arrive at 6:30 PM (traffic in LA sucks)
Walk the Gaslamp district and have dinner at a nice litte Indian restaurant
Fall asleep in the king bed at about 9:30

Saturday
Nora wakes up at 4 am, we put her in our bed where we all fitfully sleep for about 2 hours
Coffee and warm milk
Walk to a great cafe called Cafe 222 So good we swear we'll be back the next day, eventhough I really wanted to get expensive room service.
Head to the San Diego Zoo, here after know to me as "the best zoo in the whole entire world"
Nora sleeps for about an hour in her stroller, during which we see her favorite animal, giraffes. She wake up somewhere around the polar bears, which are incidentally my favorite, along with the ducklings.
We see the pandas, a tiger taking a shit, and ride the "skyfari"
Leave the park at around 4pm stopping to get Jack in the Box and a Jamba juice for the little one.
Back at the hotel we lay around watching punk'd for an hour and a half and then drag ourselves out of bed to find a West Elm store.
End up at the Container Store, also know as heaven. Eventually we find West Elm, attempt to buy stuff, they are out. We head back to the hotel, get some dinner from the restaurant in the lobby and lay in bed until Nora falls asleep (9:30)

Sunday
Up at 7:00 (really 6:00) and get ready to go to Cafe 222, where I curse the fact that I can't stay here a week to try every thing on the menu.
Back to the hotel to swim in the pool. So fun. I swear I will start swimming laps at the University pool.
Shower, change, and check out.
Go to Ikea, 10 minutes before we get there Nora falls asleep so I go solo.
Then we drive home (LA traffic sucks)

It might not sound like it was all that fun, but it really, really was. I never had weekend getaways when I was little so this was as much for me as for Nora. One of the best things about having kids is you can recapture some of the things you missed when you were little. Seeing the excitement and joy on there face IS to experience that same excitement and joy.
In the end the shitty days are outnumbered by these sorts of days. I hope.

Shit Happens

Shit Happens
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Literally.
Don't have children or your walls too, could look like this. It's too late for us, but the rest of you? Yes, there is still time to save yourselves from a six AM shit-cleaning session.
We planned a trip to the San Diego zoo this weekend, but why go when we have our own feces-throwing primate in the next room? Well, it's too late to cancel our hotel reservations. But, suffice it to say that if we have another "incident" like this one, someone is going to be abandoned on the side of the road. More evidenciary photos on flickr.

Waking hours

Some days, not today, but some days I wake up thinking, "No thanks, not today."

I wish I didn't have to immediately shift into parenting gear. I think about the hours ahead spent telling a tiny person, "No" repeatedly. Answering endless, repetetive requests. Trying my best to supress the natual response of "Stop fucking asking me for things." And instead calmly telling her for the forty seventh time why she can't have another vitamin today. Without fail she responds, "More vittie, please?" I've taken to ignoring such questions after the third request. But the sheer amount of asking wears very, very thin.

It starts the moment you get her from her crib, where she has spent the entire night dreaming up requests; her early waking hours are spent formulating those requests into coherent questions. When I finally enter her room they fall out of her mouth in a steady, hurried stream.
Where daddy, warm milk, watch tv, watch winnie pooh, please.
Biddie, watch tv, vittie, warm milk, peanut toast butter, please.
Upstairs, jump trampoline, yogurt, go, watch winnie pooh, please.

And so our day begins.

Tile Sample

Tile Sample
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We like the bottom color range. Though expensive, I think I have to have it. And by expensive I mean, "Who the hell do we think we are that we can afford this kind of tile?" Still, the heart wants what it wants. There are some more pictures of the house on my flickr site, finally

Still here

Mommy & Me
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We've misplaced our camera. Alec thinks I did something with it, when needless to say it was actually him that left somewhere. Consequently, we've not been taking photos. But now we've unearthed our old camera, clunky and slow, and with a pitfully small screen. I was always wondering why we kept it.
This weekend was so beautiful. We went to the beach on Saturday morning and laid on the lawn chairs in the yard on Sunday morning. I think it was more beautiful than normal because rain was predicted. Today is gray (grey?). But that is fine because I made chicken mulligatawny soup on Saturday (in expectation of rain) and it turned out really good. Nora even ate some. She loves milk and curry, which makes me proud to call her my daughter. Other similarities: she wants "peanut toast butter" every moring. Mac and cheese makes her screach with excitedness. The people at the smootie shop begin our smoothies before we order them. When we're at a store, she touches the clothes on the rack and says, "Ohh, nice." And finally, when she hasn't eaten in a while, she is a bitch. And we all wonder how we turn out like our mothers?!

The Big Idea

Okay, I had to stretch out my news on account of not having posted, for evor.

I love to shop and to decorate and to eat good food.

So, I want to open a shop that has baby and kid stuff. But cool stuff, stuff you don't find just anywhere. Things made by hand by local people (think custom diaper bags) and cool furniture that doesn't look like it came from Babies r Us (think modern, or maybe custom designed by Alec) and of course the coolest books, toys, and other necessities. But that's not all. What about a place to eat there too! A place that has something healthy and tasty for you, moms and dads, and something healthy and good for kids too (think fruit skewers and oatmeal waffles or hummus and veggies). A place where children can have their own tables and chairs and play area so that you might be able to talk with other adults while enjoying a meal, imagine the possibilities?

Not only would this place provide a place for parents (but primarily mothers) to socialize and buy cool stuff, but I see it as a place for mothers to discuss the issues that effects them, speakers and topics that will start a discourse and unite them.

Well, that is sorta it, for now. I'm starting to read about opening one's own business and what all research etc. one must do. I think this would be happening in a year or two. But I am excited to think and plan and think and plan. In other words, not so bored anymore.

I was bored

I've been bored lately. Why? I don't really know. The weather? No, I actually like rain. I guess it's partly because now we are in the house and there isn't anything to work on, think about, plan for, ya know? I feel this kind of general unease that always erupts when I don't have enough to do. I suppose we all need something to look forward to, something to plan for, must be human nature, or at least my nature.

Last night I went to the last meeting of a graduate class that I started in January. I was auditing it. It was taught by an old teacher, whom I idolized. She is that kind of smart that makes you grimace while you listen to her, teetering on the brink of understanding her, wanting to stretch your own mind to at least meet her halfway. My brian used to hurt after class (when I was an undergrad), but my post-pregnancy brain? It is just not as eager to stretch as it used to be. The class was called "Trauma Narratives" and her area of special interest is the Holocaust, so our interests match. The class looked at some critical essays and some duh, narratives. But, I just couldn't get into it. About two weeks ago, we were talking about Jean Amery's essay "On Torture", an essay that I had found I could access through a personal experience. He talks about, among other things, how torture places one completely in their coporeal being and that thought is pretty much absent. I remember labor and delivery, the first time I was ever completely in my own body. Obviously, the essay talks about more than that, but the body bit, that I got. I was terrified to express my pedestrian understanding of the essay but I did, and everyone politely disregarded me. Fair enough. But at that moment I realized that I do not want to be in academia. I just cannot ignore personal understandings of others work. Access. This is huge for me. I always thought that while I wasn't actively pursing it, eventually I would find my way there. Nope.

So, I started thinking about what I do like to do and what I am good at. And you know, it wan't hard for me to formulate what that was and what I could do. And I'm really excited!

Vomit and other reminders I'm a parent

Yesterday was rainy, really rainy. I love rainy days, possibly because I don't live where it rains all the time. Rainy days here mean a reason to get on your rubber boots and go out for hot chocolate at an expensive bakery. Which is what I wanted to take Nora to do yesterday. It will never be up to LA Burdicks, but it'll do. They made her this cute little warm chocolate in an espresso cup and I also got us a croissant, perfect right? Nope. She wouldn't even taste the fucking hot chocolate. Once again I was learning the number one thing you learn from your child: fuck you and your expectations. Otherwise known as: Why do you always spoil everything? Well, I learned pretty well as she sat on my lap quietly and I congratulated myself on raising such a civilized two-year old. "So behaved," I thought "that I can take her out to a restaurant for hot chocolate." And in this self-congratulatory reverie I broke parenting rule number two: Just when you think you have them figured out, no you really, really don't. This was apparent on the drive home, when she began vomiting. I pulled over and and and just kind of held a towel under her as she retched. I took her out of her seat, don't ask me why. I guess I though she could throw-up in the gutter like other children. Instead she just stood there shaking and leaning her sticky smelly body against mine. When she seemed done. I had to put her back into her putrid carseat, complete with wet belts and buckles. Gross. I was dryheaving myself from the smell. Inside of ten minutes my vision of a nice hot chocolate had somehow morphed into trying to get home without calling my husband to come help me deal with my vomiting toddler. We did make it home. Though because of the rain I had to drive home with the windows up, yum. Here's hoping today is better, just to be safe we're having our hot chocolate here at home. And instead of hot chocolate it'll be tepid water and dry toast.

Birthday

Birthday
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Nora's birthday was exactly one week ago. We had a great big party and it was a beautiful day. The house functioned perfectly. It is so nice to be in our own house. And a little surreal too. Things are slowly finding homes in this great big place and I acquired a new credit card in order to increase my furniture buying potential. So far I've ordered two barstools and just moments ago a new leaning bookcase system with a desk. I can't wait to unpack at least a few of my books and knick knacks.
My mom was here for a few days and the weather was unbelievable, 80's. But as of yesterday winter, California Style, has set in. Rainy and cold, I swear yesterday it must have been in the 40's, no lie.
Today the sun is out and things are drying out a bit. I'm trying to sort out all of Nora's outgrown stuff; she has a shit load of stuff. I can't bear to part with the item that I remember her wearing, because what if we have another child and that child is a girl? I can't possibly let these lovely items out of my possession if there is even the slightest possibility I might use them again. I'm beginning to understand how hoarders and clutterbugs operate.

Meera Love Lee

The Quintessential Simmons Student!

See Meera Heera

Exhausted? Check

This is what our living area looked like a couple of days ago, when I still had the energy to care and pick up a few things.



This is what it looks like this morning. I should probably fold the clothes, you know the "white" with the sweatstains that make you feel like you've not washed them. The ones I will definately soak in Oxyclean next time.

Finding a home for all the crap I've spent my money on the last ten years, not happening. Things aren't finished enough to put away into a permanent home, so why expend the energy to find temporary homes? Oh right, because my daughter's second birthday is in two days and I have invited an obscene amount of people. Instead I'd rather spend hours trying to figure out how to download free episodes of the second season of Veronica Mars (any help would be appreciated). Or spend another hundred dollars at Target on, ummm, what exactly did I get there? Okay, I need a plan and an army of helpers. Except then I would have to deligate, and who is going to want to touch those white?

P.S. I've finally uploaded some pics on Flickr, but I'm bandwith-shy this month and paralyzed with indecision about which pictures actually warrant flickrizing.

Perhaps

This blog should be called "Me and Nora and the New House".
I've realized that I only think about posting when there is something to report about the house progress and when there isn't any news or pictures I try to come up with something to say to tide over till the next big house happening. Here is what I keep forgetting: No One Fucking Cares. I pride myself on not going on and on about my daughter, when really I've substituted the house for my child. People rarely ask me how Nora is is, mostly I get a "so how's the house coming" to which I reply, "Oh you know, it's a lot of work, but we're getting there." or "The cabinets should get here tomorrow" or "Trimming out the doors really makes a difference". Seriously? The ONLY people who care about this shit is people who have or are remodelling or building a house. Everyone else, not so much.

So Everyone else, we're moving at the end of the week and I think we might have a bit less house-related blogging as a consequence. Which begs the question, what the hell am I going to blog about?

Approach

I've run out of bandwith on Flickr.
I've uploaded this pic directly from my computer. I can't decide if I should become a flickr pro. Any suggestions?

Today, Nora and I are going over to our friend's house. Consisting of Nancy, her son Marc, and her daughter Betsy. I met her through work. Her husband works in my department and they moved here in July from Pasadena. I'm not sure what possessed me to call her first. I just had a feeling. Turns out I was right. She is an intelligent, funny, thoughtful, and easy to be with. Her kids are great too. Marc is a few months older than Nora, but they get along really pretty well, expecially considering that Nora is a hitter, and we expect Marc to share all his toys with her when we visit. Besty is about the sweetest little baby ever. She is eight months old and Nora LOVES her. Have I mentioned Nora's pre-occupation with dollies and babies? Dolls are great, but real live babies? what could be better.

Well, I better get off my duff, because the cleaning lady is coming in half and hour and I need to pick up before she gets here.

Found

I found this photo on Edith's Flickr site and thought I'd steal it because it is a pretty cool picture containing all the nescessary pieces. Do I look human, check. Nora not crying, check. Interesting perspective, check. Cool lighting, check.

I don't have a lot to report this week. I am dropping back into that feeling of overwhelmingness. Technically we've supposed to be moving into the new house next week. The first in fact. But, I can't quite imagine that happening with things the way they are right now. I am finding it hard to get the energy together to accomplish little things in the evening. And my decision making is beginning to falter. I was a Macy's today, where I needed to spend $100 in order to get a free panini press (or maybe it is like 29.99, basically free) and I couldn't decide which towels to buy. AND I had already scoped out the selection on Tuesday, seriously what is the matter with me? In the end I didn't get any towels, instead I bought to outrageously expensive (but hugely on sale) shams to match my CK bedding. When I got to the desk they were out of the panini press (the whole point of the outing) but they managed to get one from a different store. So on a scale of successful shopping 1-10, I'd give it about a 6.

Please and Thank you

Today was playgroup.
I meet with my friend Nancy beforehand to caffinate and then we head off for 2 1/2 hours of wall-to-wall toddlers. I don't love playgroup, but Nora does, so I do it for her. And to break up the mind-numbing amount of hours I have to entertain her. The "class" she's in now is for 2-3 year olds. I've noticed a change in the parents this class. The kids are beginning to be enrolled in activities.
One mother said, "I can't do Thursday because we have Spanish in the morning and ballet and piano in the afternoon."
I can only assume she was talking about the 3-year-old Tilley and not the baby. Weird. I can feel the competition starting, or maybe just changing. Because now it isn't about things we can't control, like growing, walking, or talking but things we can control like learning Spanish and ballet and piano.
Most poignent of all was during snack time when one of the other mothers was crouched down amongst all the toddler and Nora turned to her and said, "More water please." With not only shock, but actual horror the mother looked first at Nora and then at me. Her look clearly said, "How dare your child do something mine can't." Worse yet, after she poured the water Nora said "Thank you."

I might not permanently injure the KD

Kitchen
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

KD stands for Kitchen Designer in building lingo. She pulled a few strings to get us our cabinets by Friday. We were supposed to get them on Monday, then on Wednesday (well, if you'd like to know the truth we were supposed to get them on Dec 23rd.). But, there was a big storm in Canada (where they are made) and so the truck rolled into LA on Thursday and we had to beg to get them delivered on Friday around 5:30pm. It was one of the best days of the building for me. Right up there with finally breaking ground. I think it's because once the kitchen is in, I'm ready to move in.
So when is this thing going to be finished? The short answer is never. The longish answer is as follows:
The counters will be measured for on Wednesday, should take three weeks from then.
We ordered a diswasher and a micowave/hood on Saturday, should be two weeks.
Carpet just arrived at the installers yesterday, the one for Nora's room is wrong. But hopefully we can install the rest next week.
Electrician is coming this weekend to install sconces in hall, bathrooms, and chandelier in dining room.
Contractor should be coming today until Friday to finish up some stuff. He should be busting through to the studio and installing a pocket door there. Putting in the front door.
Alec should finish the cabbinets this week/weekend.
Interior doors should be here next week, and we still have to find someone to put them in.
Exterior painting is expensive so we need to get another quote.
Finishing the deck and railing, probably Victor and Alec.
Trimming out ALL the doors and windows and the base board...poor Alec.
That's all I can think of right now.

More Finished

JEG Vanity
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

So, the bathrooms are essentially finished. That means that no one else is going to be coming out here to work on them. As you can see, my bathroom still needs a mirror and some shelves under the counter here, and the paint touched up, and a tp holder, and a towel bar, and, and, and. You see why it is somenights so overwhelming that I just curl up and watch episodes of Veronica Mars all night.
But, we have started bring over shit from storage. The idea was to just bring everything and put it into the closet until we have time to go through it. But, somehow that didn't stop us from going through the boxes at storage while Nora played in dust, rat shit, and eventually climbed around the front seat of the car. I'm sure you can see this coming right? She locked herself in the car. Faye and the neighbor started to panic, but Alec and I were pretty confident in Nora's ability to understand us and to grab a little thingie and pull it up. The problem: Nora loves to play in the car and screams bloody murder at the end of such sessions. So, we worried she wouldn't want to let us in. Turns out, she unlocked the door within 2 minutes and then got totally pissed that we wanted to get in the car too.
I guess next time we should just go grab a cup of coffee.

I was actually going to post something...

but then I got distracted by this "blog of note"!!
http://twochineseboys.blogspot.com/


I highly encourage you to get over there right now and watch "bu de bu ai".

Also, I am planning on watching all the rest when get home tonight.

Over-Hearing

Yesterday, in the car on the way to work I was listening to NPR and they were airing the Alito hearing. I'm not hugely interested in this laborious process, but somehow I got a little caught up in it. The best part was when Diane Fienstein, "Democrat, California" started asking questions. Yeah, I thought let's see if my state can bring it. Never mind the fact that she isn't actually my senator, that'd be Barbara Boxer, but I couldn't help but claim her just a little, because she was so condescending and bitchy. She would ask awesome hypothetical questions and when Alito would not answer it by saying things like, "well I can only speak in terms of actual cases..." she'd say, "That isn't my question." and "I don't think you understand what it is I'm asking you." At one point he actually appologized. I think what I like the most was the similarity it bore to a typical retail transaction. Senator Feinstein is the good consumer, trying to buy a dining room chair and Alito is the sales associate who enjoys with-holding information because he can, or maybe he's just stupid. It plays out in the following way:

West Elm (Third Street Promenade, Santa Monica), busy and full of twenty-somethings sales people with headphones.

Consumer: Hi, I'd like to know the availability of this dining chair right here.
Sales Associate: That one? Which color?
C: Blue, but online it looks like you don't have blue, so I guess brown.
SA: Yeah, we are soldout of the blue, how many of the brown do you want?
C: How many do you have?
SA: How many do you want?
C: Well, that depends on how many you have...Ideally I'd like six blue chairs, but we'd only need 1 chair to take home and see if it works with our table.
SA: So, how many do you want?
C: Could you just check?
SA Makes loud and annoying call for a stock check
20 minutes later
SA: We don't have six. And this line is discontinued, we'll be getting our Spring line in two weeks.
C: I don't think you understand my question, "Is there any chair that we can take home today?"
SA: We can order them for you.

Retail Therapy

My lamp
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I bought this lamp on Friday and now I feel much, much better. I also did some painting and Alec did base-boards so things are starting to look more finished. Yeah!
Anyway, I love this lamp. I'm going to focus on that for awhile.

I'm sick

and tired.
I think that is why I haven't been writing.
I feel crappy. I have a cold (okay that is only for the past two days). But I just want things to stop dragging on. I am tired of whining about the same ole stuff. I bore myself.

Nora:I love you but I need a fucking break.
While I'm at work I can't wait to get home and see her, once I'm home it takes 10 minutes before I'm fantasizing about bedtime...hers and mine. I feel drained of everything from money and time to patience and intelligence.

House:I love you but your not mine. And so all the work, sweat, and money I put into you ultimately make me feel cheated. I look around you and see beautiful things, but I also see all the compromises, the overrulings, and I'm afraid I'll never feel really at home.

Friends: I love you all, but stop living so fucking far away. I want to see you whenever I want or at least be in the same time zone.

Wah, fucking wah

Evenings with The Goffin/Schumachers

Peek into ABS bathroom
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last night I painted and Alec and his dad laid subflooring and bamboo flooring. Really no different from any number of night from the last few months.
We're moving along, blah, blah, blah.
It'll be done before we know it, blah, blah, blah, except I'm pretty sure I'll know when it is done.
I've uploaded some pictures of the unexciting adventures of house construction. It's one of those things that is only interseting to the people involved and maybe close friends and family.
Nora is coming along nicely, I swear she learns fifty new words a day. She is nearly two though, and whining and screaming in the middle of Restoration Hardware is quite common.
Sesame Street is over and so is my alloted blogging time. Bye.

Living Room, sorta

Living Room, sorta
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

For Christmas I got a sofa, a rug, and a rocker.
Alec and his dad finished the floor on Friday and on Saturday we went to Donze, where all our furniture and other crap is stored. More than anything, I wanted my sofa. So we somehow muscled it up onto Vic's subaru roofrack, tied it down to within an inch of it's life and drove 15 mph with the hazards on. Where there is a will there is a way. We sit over there for a few hours a day and dream about living there someday.
I really want our kitchen cupboards to come in though. They were supposed to be in on December 23, but sur-fucking-prise they are now due on January 9. I hate that (insert derogotary term) woman from the design store. Anyway, the progress is continuing.
Today, Nora and I are going to join the hordes of post-Christmas shoppers, she needs to be trained from early on to keep up...
FYI, no christmas cards were sent out this week. But if your reading this blog, you already know what is going on with me and have seen pictures of us anyway, right?

Beleaguered

Paint colors
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I'm so sick of this.
I want to live here, instead of work here.
Soon.
We've been saying that for a year
and a half.
February 1st now NO MATTER WHAT.
That was Nora's due date.

Painting Walls

I spent most of the weekend painting walls and ceilings. It is like nothing I've ever felt before. I mean, duh, of course I've painted walls and ceilings before. Anyone who has seen our apartments will know that I paint. But those were pre-existing walls, walls that had seen other inhabitants, other lives. I painted them to make them mine, not theirs. But these new walls...they've been mine since before they were born. Their placement, their construction, have all been in the service of my family. Painting the ceiling detail that Vic knew in his head and we all went along with, knowing that I'll be starring at that ceiling for a long time, well. So, I am enjoying every blister, every dollop of paint in my hair, on my face, and all over my clothes. This is going to be my "for real" house. Holy Shit.

Make up test

There is a chance to redeem yourself if you did poorly on my quiz. The link is to the right and down.

Ceiling detail

Ceiling detail
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

This is the living room ceiling. I couldn't really picture it when it was in its early stages, but wow, I love it now. The drywalling is completely finished, except that they left the scaffolding behind so that we could use it to paint this ceiling. I still need to buy the paint, maybe today. Except that it is raining and doing with errands with a toddler is hard enough without rain.
Things really are coming along though, I've been priming for all I'm worth. Anytime now we can put in the flooring and and and....
Nora is feeling better, except I noticed that she has a rash all over her back, but I can't think of anything different she has eaten. She is just so big, I honestly can't beleive it. She still has the body of a toddler, but every once and a while I get a glimpse of her girl body, in her movements and facial expressions. And her taste in bad tv is coming along nicely, well she is my daughter. She has her Little Einsteins and I have my Breaking Bonaduce.

Fevered

Nora has a fever. It all started on Monday; she woke up from her nap with a fever.
That evening, she resembled a warm cookie. She was lethargic and quiet, I know I should feel bad for her and I do, but it is damn nice to have your toddler be cuddly. She is normally going warp-speed from 6:00 am until 7:00 pm, with a brief break from 11:00 until 1:00. So, watching TV with her sitting on my lap for an hour is a real treat. Yesterday, she seemed better in the morning and we even went to play with Marc and Betsy, but by the time I got home from work, she was feverish again. This morning she seems okay. Here's the thing, I'm not all that concerned about her fever. I mean, you know it happens and what is the pediatrician going to tell us that we don't already know? Give her some tylenol and wait it out, unless it gets dangerously high, of course. But, I am not behaving as most first-time moms. Nonetheless, I do feel confident in my instincts that she is going to be fine. I think.

Building a house is hard

Especially when there are four people involved and I am used to getting my own way.
Every decision has to be run through the committee, consisting of Vic, Faye, Alec, and me. Doing anything by committee is hard enough, but building a house on your in-laws property, which they ultimately own is even more hairy. The last few days we have been knee-deep in tile negotiations. After a lengthy review process though, I am happy to report that my bathroom is going to fucking rock! It will have a spa-like feel with 5/8 inch glass mosaic tiles from Walker Zanger. They are so pretty, they look like beach glass with the same matte finish. After "we" decided to use them I felt the kind of elation that was last felt when I finally got a pair of guess jeans in sixth grade.
We won't be in the new house by Thanksgiving as hoped. I mean we'll be in there, priming, painting, etc. But we won't be living there. Maybe we'll be in there by Christmas, but I don't think I've been THAT good this year.

Selfishness, Thy name is daycare

Tea with Bear
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I took Nora to Daycare today, at 8:20 am. She went on Monday at 11:00 and on Tuesday at 12:00. She isn't feeling all that great (a cold most likely contracted on Monday or Tuesday), so she isn't all that much fun to be around. Our normal morning routine is 7:00-8:00 Sesame Street, while I bathe and drink coffee while listening to NPR. 8:00-9:00 Breakfast and getting dressed. Around 9:00 we usually have something to do: visit a pre-school (Mon), go to playgroup (Tue), look at tile/doors/hardware/bathroom fixtures (Wed), or go to Trader Joe's (Thur), but today there was nothing on the agenda, except that I wanted to be alone to putter. So I packed up sniffles and hauled her off to daycare promptly at 8:15, without breakfast and with just enough Pedicare to get her through the morning. As soon as she saw where we were, she clung to my neck and pointed back towards the car. She cried when I left her and I felt pretty shitty. I've spent my Nora-free, guilty morning on the computer backing up all the photos onto a disk and picking up a little. It feels weird to be home alone.

Tea Time

Tea Time
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Nora loves to pretend to eat at her little table. She spends lots of time lunching with bear. So much time, in fact that I had to move her table closer to a TV, so that I could enjoy my day as well.
This week, Nora has gone to a daycare twice. I think she likes it, but I hate leaving her with a stranger and a strange bunch of kids. Also, she seems sick today. She has a runny nose. She is really good at blowing her nose but hasn't quite gotten the wiping part of that. The blowing part seems great when you are the one holding the tissue, wiping and throwing it away. However, it is less charming when she finds an old tissue in trash holds it up to her nose and blows for all she's worth. Then without the wiping she just has a face for of blown out snot, dripping and waiting, gross.

Not one of the pictures

Pumpkin Patch
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I uploaded twice. Maybe being a mom does make you stupider.

Back by Popular Demand

At Grandma's House
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Pictures of my offspring.
This is outside my Mom's house in Rice Lake.
Nora is not only cute as the dickens (or is it cute as a dickens? what dickens? one of Dicken's characters?) she is also one odd little ball. She pulls the covers completely over her head to sleep. When we come in her room to check on her, we don't know which end is up. Once we uncover her a bit we find a sweaty little baby who snores.
Nora is still giving the finger to daylight savings, primarily by waking up at 4:45 (yesterday) or 5:15 (today) and shrieking. Blurry-eyed, Alec and I end up in her room telling her it is too early and also that shrieking is so totally not okay. I even threatened a timeout this moring and it actually worked. So, now 6:15 feels like we're sleeping in.
As for the house. I have been in a PMS-related rage at the kitchen designer. It is not my finest hour/day/weeek. Once I calm down a bit I will give you all the boring details.

Fuck Daylight Savings

I am not a nice person before six am. I suppose it could be argued that I am not much of a nice person after six either. But, trust me when I say that I am unbearable before six. I think it goes back to my high school days when I worked at the pool. Everyone had to do an early bird shift once a week. The pool opened at 5:30am and there needed to be two lifeguards on duty. My personal belief is that if you want to swim laps at 5:30 in the morning you should be willing to drown. Especially, if it is January and 12 degrees. My entire week was built around the dread that my one shift per week generated. The entire night before I would be lamenting my fate. Need to open the doors at 5:30? I'd leave the house at 5:28, leave my bed at 5:27:30 and scrape the windshield at 5:29. Back in those days I welcomed FallBack, because it meant a slight reprieve from the Early Bird. But toddlers don't seem to understand the benefit of gaining an extra hour in the morning. Nora awoke at five fucking am and I just ignored her. Sure, I wasn't getting any sleep, but at least I wasn't giving in to her. At around 5:30, I finally relented and got up to make her a bottle and ask Alec if he intended to share in the wealth of an extra hour of Nora. While I slammed through the kitchen swearing and preparing her bottle, Alec went into her room. Surprise, she had reached into her shitty diaper and surprise wiped it all over her crib, sheet, blanket, and self. Fucking sweet.

We are NOT drywalling this week

Serves me right. I HAD to get all excited and proclaim the fact that drywalling was immenent. In fact the actual drywall is nowhere to be found, at least that is what the drywall guy says. I'm thinking, if this is your business, your career, wouldn't you make sure that you had drywall, or at least a source for it? Anyway, this entire week has gone by without a drywall srew being drilled, and I am heading home tomorrow and will not see any of the progress that I anticipated.

Meanwhile, here in Rice Lake, it's...well... very depressing. The houses are all these dismal little one story ranch houses. No character. And the big story this week is the opening of the Wal-Mart Super Center. The old Wal-Mart is now one more empty building. And the bookstore I worked at in High School closed down, because ya' know they sell books without the huge discounts. And the pool where I worked in High School has a big crack in it, so I guess it is closed for a while. Each time I come back here I remember why I was in such a hurry to leave. DEPRESSION. Even the beautiful fall colors and crisp days can do little to combat the desperation this town emotes. I suppose it goes without saying that I was a drama queen in high school too.

Seven Months Pregnant

I can barely remember what being seven months pregnant was like. But, I'm pretty sure that is about where we are with the house. You look ready to lay down and have that baby right where you are, but there are still 2 looong months ahead. Months filled with the hurried preparations of a new baby. Weeks when you think, "Let's have this baby already!" Similarly our house looks pretty well done, the changes are small and incremental. But can't it just be finished, seriously. We are in a mad rush of picking out carpet, appliances, cabinets, tile, EVERYTHING that goes into a new house. And we are doing it by committee, which can be very time consuming. Just like with Nora, there are things you have to buy, necessary, expensive things...crib, car seat, diapers and then there are those lovely little non-essentials that make having a baby worth it, clothes, shoes, toys, bedding. The house is the same way. Bathtubs must be bought, but what kind of fixtures are all a matter of taste (and budget). This state of expectation and excitement is dampered by the long weeks ahead, weeks of setbacks, rain, bloating, and constant peeing. And with my track record, seriously overdue!

Hopes and Dreams

I've been thinking lately about what I hope for Nora as she grows up. Do I hope that she finds her passion, of course. But, what are the ramifications of that. I mean wouldn't we all like to "pursue" our passions? But how does that pay the bills? I would love her to be a ballerina or a artist or a writer, but what if that means that she'll be broke and, and, not able to buy expensive handbags? Then again, what kind of parents wants their child to grow up to be a financial analyst, not the kind of parent I want to be. I mean what if being artsy means that she is living with us until she's in her thirties...that is just too awful to think about. I guess this is coming from me evaluating my own choices in life. There is nothing like a neighborhood meeting to really distill all your life choices down to their essence.
"So, what do you do then."
"Um, actually right now I work part-time at the university for benefits, but I have my master's in children's literature."
"Really, what kind of books do you write?"
"I don't write, but I have graded papers for the univeristy class on Children's Literature."
"Oh, so you teach."
"Ah, no. Just grade papers for the professor."
Meanwhile, the monthly payment for my student loans is due.

Rainy day

It is a lovely rainy day today. The kind that make you want to bake and drink cocoa, read a book, and curl up with a cat. The rain that is charming after months of sunshine. And the kind that is perfect for working in an office, listening to the Garden State soundtrack and looking out at the gray sky, which incidently is just what I am doing right now.
I can only have this attitude because I don't live in a studio with my only child sleeping in a room under the house. Instead I belong to that set of society that lives in more than one room, and has their children sleeping in a room down the hall where they can peek in at them at any moment.
The house is being insulated today. It might only take one day, but let's say it takes two, we'll still be starting drywalling this week. WE'LL BE STARTING DRYWALLING THIS WEEK!!!! After that is finished, we paint, put in flooring, order kitchen cabinets, get tiles, basically get to all the fun stuff. And see what this place is actually going to look like. It is just so fucking cool I'm speechless.

Trading Spaces

We live in the big house now. Vic and Faye are in the studio. They insisted, no really they did, and who are we to tell them that living in a coverted two car garage is not really all that much fun. I mean, sometime you just have to learn by doing, right? And during this learning curve Alec, Nora, and I might as well live in luxury. Okay, in all honesty we owe to Nora, what a little trooper. She choose just the right time to learn to climb out of her crib, scaring the bejeezus out of her grandma.
Here's how it played out:
We spent two nights and one day in the studio before they returned. The transistion was not going well for me, refer to earlier post. But, Alec had faith that in time it would be fine. Nora seemed bored with the small space of the studio, I believe I also commented on that fact in my lament. I expressed these feelings to Faye and she was sympathetic, but didn't really know what could be done. Then Nora woke up from her nap and Faye and I went down to get her. She was not in her crib. She was on top of the table that is next to her crib, fists full of toys and appearing to be returning to her crib. In other words we caught her at just the right moment. I'm not sure how long she'd been getting in and out of her crib, but the morning before, I had come in to find her sitting in a basket, tipped over and pinned to the side of the crib. I did wonder at the time how she managed to reach that basket as I was sure I had put it well out of range. But, that seemed like an insignificant question when what I was really wondering was how the hell she got herself sitting IN the basket, it was tiny.
(Personal References: Brandy: it was the basket that the Zingerman's stuff came in. Ali: It reminded me of the picture of Beave in the basket when she was a kitten.)
SO once we realized that Nora was getting out of her crib, it seemed like a natural progression that she would open the door and go roaming about the yard in the middle of the night, that is until she ran into a coyote. Faye was thus determined that we should move into the house and they would endevour to live in the studio, which anyway is much bigger than the Spanish pensionnes they had just been staying at. Like I said, who are we to dissaude them. We've been sleeping in the new digs for two nights now and I don't know about anyone else, but I think this is going to work out fine.

Trying to readjust

I don't want to go back to studio living. In fact, it may even be that I CAN'T go back. It s-u-c-k s, hard.
For one thing, we don't know how much longer the house will take 2 months, 3 months, more? It appears that it is anyone's guess. I just can't hold out over the rainy season again. Today, was our first full day back in the studio and Nora is not into it. It is far too small and boring to hold her attention and she threfore spends her energy on getting into everything that is off limits. That leads to battles of will, and crying and tearing of hair, mostly mine. So, what do we do?

Our only option is to stay in V&F's vacation rental. It too, is small, but at least there are different rooms, and a back yard, and close to downtown. I'm not sure how much rent they'd want. More than what we are paying now, no doubt. Plus if we are down there, it isn't as easy to work on the house (whenever that will happen) or for Faye to babysit Nora. But, the privacy and kitchen are strong draws for me.

I'm trying to stick it out, but at some point you just have to fold, right?

House? Yes, please.

The corner of doors
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

There are doors and windows in our house. And a roof too. And boxes of flooring that we sill someday walk on, I think. I hope. Thanksgiving?
Though no one is working on the house this week and the netflix disc 2 of season four of Six Feet Under was broken, I'm in a pretty happy state.
Seeing the house get further and further along is just amazing. I can't wait to unpack my boxes and move the hell in! We are trying to plan the kitchen cabinet layout right now. Course, it takes a back seat to painting tongue and groove boards (56 of them), showing the Donze rental, finishing up Faye's design job, and oh yeah, taking care of Nora. Also, playgroup on Tuesdays, CASA on Thursday, and AAAGGGHHH, how did I become busy MOM person. I'm going to go watch TV for 15 minutes before I have to leave for work. Bye

Chocolate Chip Pancakes

Nora'sChocChipPancakes1
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I honestly have very little to say today. A very long weekend, but since we're over at Vic and Faye's I took this opportunity to upload so cute ass pictures from their computer. This was a few weeks ago, but we made pancakes this morning too. Click on the headless pictures on the flickr site, once you do her head magically appears.
By the way, I'm thirty now.

When Toddlers Dress Themselves

When Toddlers
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Vic and Faye left for Spain yesterday, for a month. I thought we'd just move right over there, that was the plan anyway. Then I realized how much I like my stuff. And their house feels big and dark and kinda cold even. Funny, I really like the warmth and coziness of the studio. But, today I started moving our stuff over there. Mircowave, toaster oven, and some food. I still need to move some clothes, and ultimately my Tivo, which means I really am committed.
The house is moving along very well, I almost can't believe that we will be moving in all in a matter of months. I don't even remember what all we have in storage only that we can get along with very, very little.
Watching the Hurricane survivors cope with the aftermath I'm struck again and again at how impermenent THINGS are. How much energy is spend in acquiring them, caring for them, and ultimately in saying goodbye to them. Yet, I take great joy in shopping, it is hard to reconcile the two sentiments.

Good Morning my dear house

South side of House
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

The shell of the house is pretty nearly done. Done enough, that we had a "topping out" party on Saturday and it was lovely. Lots of people involved in the making of this building were in attendence, from the guy at the planning dept. to the 80-odd year old structual engineer to the contractor and the electrician (who had wired up the house that very morning). Building a house is so very like having a baby. And since cetain people keep waiting for signs of when I"LL next rent my body to a developing person, this is our new baby #939. So this was our baby shower. And, today we have an ultrasound, that is a nailing inspection. I hope we pass and can move onto the next phase.

We've ordered the flooring for the upstairs and the bathrooms. Bamboo! I got it for a steal online 2.64/sq ft. We'll be installing it ourselves. We've been making all kinds of Important decisions about the #939, we feel a little like genetic engineers. Have you noticed that I've used the word "engineer" twice already? Must be working in the Chemical Engineering dept (there's four).

Vic and Faye leave for Spain in one week. So, we'll be moving over there for the month of Sept. which means that anyone wishing to visit, is highly urged to consider September as optimal visiting time...especially since I'll be turning 30 on the 14th and might need a little support.

That's my baby

That's my baby
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Yep, she has my jeans, I mean genes. This was on a recent visit to Macy's. AND that shoe was from the sale rack. I quite literally couldn't be prouder of her. I wonder when she realized that shopping was fun. Was it those cold February and March days when the only possible place to stroll was Cambridgeside Galleria? Or was it the two weeks in Paris that included no fewer than 12 trips to Galleries Lafayette? Okay, she may have been groomed for this particular proclivity. But, if I've had this much success with shopping without really trying, just imagine how easy ballet is going to be!!

BTW Nora really is the cutest girl in the world.

Thank you Eunice

For introducing me to someone I feel I have know for EVOR.
Dooce.com
This woman is awesome. Not only is she MY age but her daughter is only 8 days older than Nora. Weirdness. I had heard of her website from Annie, but never really checked it out. Then last night Susan intrigued me enough to check it out. And that is how obsessions are born. It is like that person everyone keeps telling you you would love and then you finally meet them and yep, pretty much they rock.

I apologize myself for the misunderstood.

This line is from an email from an author. The authors that I "speak" with come from all over the world and many of them count English and a second or third language. As such, lingistic jewels are commonly found in unassuming emails. I have decided to start a list. So far, I have the above, as well as:
Thank you for the following email of you.
and
I can revise our paper thoroughly without anxiety.

I think that last one is my favorite. Wouldn't we all like to revise thoroughly? without anxiety? I know I would.

In other news, I had simply the best time EVOR in Boston. A taste of the old days, pre-parenting. I stayed out late, slept in, and got a wonderful haircut. Back in SB, the house is coming along. The contractor is optimistic that we'll be in the house by Thanksgivig, so long as we don't mind a few plumbers et al hanging around. Uh, no.
I hope to have pictures of the new developments soon...can you second floor!

Old photo New comment

NOT getting her way
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

So, this is the "most viewed" photos on my flickr photostream. I find this interesting. But, I thought I would update everyone on Nora's evolution from this photo to the present in terms of behavior when someone uses the N word. In this picture, clearly, she is in the mode of "pity party". Shortly after this stage she moved onto the "inflicting pain on the user of the word" stage. This included (but was not limited to) biting, pinching, hitting, and headbutting. After a particularly stinging pinch I told her very sternly no and then proceed to tell her how much that had hurt. She appeared sympathetic and even made the frowny, crying face with tears. For the most part she has curbed her outburst againt others. It gave way to the "self hurting" stage. Which I have to admit, as a parent, is more disturbing that her hitting me. When she hears No she either hits herself in the face or pulls her hair. Though the pediatrician says it is good for her to hit herself, I can't help but think of Rainman. I mean, HELLO doesn't that hurt! I know it hurts actually because you've done it to me. Recently, she has started to transition away from the self-inflicted variety of frustration and into inatimate objects, like what ever it is she is told no about. ie my computer. or her doll. I'm not sure this is progress.

Work continues a pace

DSCN0490
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

is apace one word or two. Anyway, as you can see there is more than just a whole in the ground. In fact this is our downstairs. We hope to see some upstairs this week!
In other news, I am coming/going to Boston (depending on who you are). And can't wait to see all my friends. Here's the itinerary:

Wednesday July 27th, arrive in BOS at 9:30pm
Thursday July 28th, Institute from 5pm on...
Friday July 29th, Institute all day and possibly the evening too.
Saturday July 30th, Institute all day and possible the evening too.
Sunday July 31st, Institute brunch in the morning and free in the afternoon and evening.
Monday August 1st, Free all morning and afternoon, flight leaves BOS at 5:41pm
Yeah!

Family photo

Family photo
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We miss travelling. It was so nice to spend time together as a family. This is one of the few photos we have of the whole family. It was taken on the roof of the Galleries Layfayette (one of MY favorite places in Paris).
Now that we are home the routine of life has firmly settled in. Work, cleaning, eating, errands, and all the rest of the stuff. Of course, the construction of our new house keeps things interesting. Speaking of which, I am going to upload some pics of the progress.

Post sickness

New/Old stroller
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I've been really ever so not well.
Sinus infection, days in bed watching Law and Order, NYPD Blue, and Buffy. But, now I am feeling much, much better.
I went to the doctor on Tuesday morning and although it was a severely shitty experience, I got some antibiotics and am now feeling less not well.
Except for that pesky little "secondary infection" you know the one I mean, the one that is reserved for the ladies...
So I am three weeks into the new job and it is going well. I like the work, location, and in a month or so I will like the paycheck. It is funny not seeing Miss Nora as much. But, I think I will get used to it. Also it helps me to appreciate the time we do have together.
I leave for Boston on Wednesday! Can't wait to see everyone and have a loverly time on my own!!!!!

On my own at the UCEN

With the Mom
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Well, nostalgia strikes again. I am currently sitting in the UCen or University Center at UCSB using on of the crusty old terminals. I am waiting until 6:15 when the students in the Children's Lit class finish their midterm and I can gather them up and tote them home to grade with haste. (I will be doing the same thing with their papers at the end of July when I go to Boston for the Institute). Being on campus now though feels so different. I think it is because I am now a career employee, in other words I belong here. Some how I always seemed to know that I would end up working for a University. I guess I thought it would be as a professor rather than as a administrative assistant. C'est la vie. It suits me fine right now. Especially the benefits. Here is the problems with the benefits, though the problem is not specific to UC benefits. I want to have my next baby (NOT in the oven, by the way) as close to possible as I did in Cambridge. The short version: NOT a prayer. The hospitals (2) do not perform VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Ceserean) which doesn't directly affects me, but lets me know the general tone of the doctors and hospitals here: Consevrative. There was apparently one or two doctors that worked with midwives up until a short time ago when something happened during a home birth. Apparently the midwife involved was run out of town and the rest are a bit gun shy. I know that there isn't a Birth Center like in Cambridge, but I would ideally like as little to do with a doctor as possible. Still, I don't want to have the baby at home either. Basically what I am saying is that it suck that there are so little options for birthing in a supposedly liberal state like California. And, since my labor was so short last time round (and sencond babies typically arrive in half the time) travelling doesn't really seem to be a viable option. What to do? Oh, and any doctors that still use a midwife don't seem to take any insurance plans.

In other news, my job is going very well. I like my co-worker, I'm learning the ropes quickly, and I enjoy being away from home on a regular basis. I can't wait to get a paycheck, woo-hoo!

The house is still behind schedule, no surprise there. But, everyday that there is no one working makes me very, very crabby.

Nora with Lake

Nora with Lake
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

This photo is from the balcony of Edith's house in Lugano. If it wasn't for the heat, it would have been perfect. Although with the heat the only possible thing to do was to visit the Lido. It is kind of like a beach club on the lake. There are also pools, kiddie pools, diving pools, swimming pools, and the best fries we've ever had. It was so relaxing to be here, especially with Edith. I can't wait to return some day.

Fun at the fountains

Fun at the fountains
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We're back.
And yes, that last post was the worst possible day. I'm all better now.

Tomorrow is 4th of July and we plan to go to the beach for the fireworks, if Nora can stay awake that long. I love the fireworks here they are unlike anywhere else.

I've some new photos on flickr, but I am still too jet-lagged to come up with anything interesting to say.
Sorry.

past the point of wanting to return

I've offically lost it.

It happened today at approximately 6:17.
In the stifling heat
of our incredibly cramped
dirty
noisy
hostel room.

I'm not sure what exactly pushed me over the edge.

It might have been
the four flights of stairs
carrying the stroller
in 100 degree opressive heat
but
I think what finally did it was
having to step over laundry somewhere between the third and fourth floor
stepping into a room faintly reeking of baby shit.

I sat against the wall and started to cry
feeling very
unglobtrottery

A cold shower helped
barely

Now I am just hoping against hope that tomorrow will be better
Fuck
It can't get worse
right?

16 minutes at the BK

Hey, you'll never guess where I am blogging from...
Burger King,in Lugano. Zou get 30 minutes free with everz meal. So,I think it is worth feeling sick from fast food for such an...exotic...local from which to blog from.

Not much new, that is to say, too much new to write in 14 minutes. Here's a small recap.

Marseille (So. of France) verz nice, should have spent one more day. The car rental tried to jack us out of money surprise surprise. Nice hotel, terrible rainstorm.

Genoa or Genova on the map, but don't pronounce it genovah because that isn't right. It was cool ONCE loooong before we saw it. I kept trying to picture it in its original gradeur, the way zou see a reallz old man and trz to imagine him back when we was virile. But in the end it was just depressing. But the gelato was good and cheap.

Lugano: Ever so lovelz to be back in Switzerland where it is clean and clean and Edith and Yannick are here. It is wonderful to have some Baby relief. Speaking of pea, she has two monstrous molars, reallz quite scary. She is doing so well, but she is eating . Bread and the occasional Babybel cheese. We hope that this week she'll get back to eating at least one or two vegetables. I'm getting ready to come home, but am not looking forward to living in a studio again. Why oh why can't everz house be built in 7 days like on TV.

Holy crap;

Durstlöschen
Originally uploaded by ewyler.

I can blog pictures from Edith's page...
How cool is that shit?!

Here's my caption: EVERYONE drinks in Europe.

Link to some photos that don't

show Nora's new haircut.

They are on Alec'S Aunt's flickr page and I'm sure she won't mind all of you tromping over there to take a quick look...Right Edith?

So, we leave Paris on Monday and I can't believe that it has happened so quickly. We have a babysitter coming tonight who is giving us some time to have a civil dinner.

I forgot how completely tiring visiting a place is. Everyday you truck out there ready to cram as much info and sites as possible into a few hours, walking everywhere because go forbid you should be underground and not SEE something and a cab? we all know the only thing you look at in a cab is the meter!

We did manage to get a membership to the local video store across the street. Boy an addict will do anything to get their drug of choice eh?!

Okay, today I am tres fatigue and tres uninspired to write...sorry!

In which I rant and make several errors

Anybody read that David Sedaris book where he speaks with a lisp and so just avoids using words that have ssses. That is how I feel about the french keyboard. The letters A W M Z . and all the numbers are srewy. All this time and I didn't know how many words needed an m or a w, I mean A, of course that one you'd expect. Anyway I've used up most of my patience with the keys with that little analogy.

The RANT*

The woman who rented us the apartment...I emailed her to tell her that the shower curtain had so much mildew on it that it was unhygenic, she emailed back that she doesn't know what mildew IS, I guess she is one lucky lady. Anyone have a worthy translation for MILDEW?

We are getting eaten alive by something. Each day more and more little bites appear on our arms and legs, do you think she knows what bed bugs are? Alas, we've not seen anything that seems like it could be the culprit.

On the up side***

We had a great day today. We went to the Luxumbourg Gqrdens where they have an amazing playground for kiddies (that's what everyone calls them) and Nora had a friggin ball. There was a group of preschoolers who were intriqued by the thing behind her ear; one of them felt behind her ear to see if she had one too. The sky clouded over and because I had taken the parapluie out of my backpack this morning it started to pour, all the kiddies ran for cover and there was mass hysteria, but in a good way. Nora enjoyed the fuss, but still wanted to play in the rain and she did have a few compatriots.

After the park, Nora fell asleep and we had a wonderful lunch in a noisy, crowded and perfectly Parisian restaurant.

**NOTE SCHEDULE CHANGE***
It has come to our attention that Nora reqires some time out of her stroller during the day. Accordingly, we've alloted 11 til 12 for free for all sand throwing/eating, running around, screeching. After that, it is naptime, no negotiations!

A Paris

At last my appetite for massive quantities of Petite Bateau clothing at cheap prices has been satiated. Alec and I shopped the day away yesterday, finding veritable bargins at every turn.
The apartment is a little less than impressive. It is close to the metro and technically speaking it is still in the city limits (the border is across the street). I'm impressed at the photos that were on the woman's website and looking around the apartment I find myself wondering where exactly she was standing to take the majority of them. It reminds me of our apatment in Beacon Hill, only this place is smaller and now we have a baby. Course it is better than what we've got in CA, at least here there is another room to escape to.
Nora is doing pretty well considering she has cut about 2 molars and still has another two that she is working on: Her new schedule is bed around 8p.m.(or 6p.m.tonight because she wouldn't eat her dinner); up at 6:10; nap around noon. Considering all we're asking of her she does really really well. Today, for the first time, she fell asleep in her stroller, which allowed us a chance to have a civil lunch at a cafe looking up at the Sacre Couer. My time is running low so I have to now look for hostels in Marseille....Email Me, I forgot all your email addresses but I can still access my account.