Just Kidding, it totally rocked!
I'm not sure whether it was the Nora-less-ness of the trip, or the nice weather, or the fact that it is just plain an awesome city, but we're sold.
Let me begin with the most important things first.
The shopping:
1. So many, many cute and cool boutiques everywhere in these funky neighborhoods. Lovely clothes, baby stuff, cards, jewelry, and bags I was awed.
2. They have a West Elm (and a bunch of other box stores I love, like Crate and Barrel)!
3. There is a whole Newbury-like street called 23rd that we just drove by, but I can tell will take weeks of exploring.
4. Bookstores, like on every corner AND Powells.
5. They are building an IKEA, right now.
6. NO SALES TAX, seriously, does it get any better.
The houses:
1. Affordable period.
2. Lots of Craftsman style houses (in our price range)!
3. Full of beautiful period details and gorgeous woodwork that people up there seem to understand is important to keep intact.
4. There are so many parks that you house is bound to be within a mile of two or more. Many of which have water features (wading pools) and playgrounds.
5. Amazing real estate sites (okay, not particular to Portland, but I learned of one while I was there so Portland gets the credit). If you have not yet explored Zillow.com you will enter every address you can think of to get info on appreciation etc.
6. The city of Portland's website has a thing where you plug in the address and it will tell you the assessor's history (like how much the house sold for last) and the parks nearby as well as where your local sex offender is residing. Neato!
Food:
1. Eating out, well we didn't have much money to do this but the two times I ate breakfast out I was very pleased. Also there seems to be a very vibrant chef/gourmet community.
2. Eating in, can you say ORGANIC? It seems that Portland like to eat organic and local too. There is a farmer's market in every single neighborhood.
Kids:
We saw a ton of them and their parents too. It seems that families thrive here. Maybe it is the combination of jobs and affordable housing, who knows.
In short people, this is a done deal. Now all we need to do is work out the details. By the way, we took no pictures of Portland. Apparently we don't know how to take a picture in which Nora is not the subject.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thinking about the Article
As promised, here are me thoughts about the Atlantic Article The Captivity of Marriage by Nora Johnson. Though I would probably change the title slightly to the Captivity of Motherhood.
The most startling part of this article is that it was written 45 years ago, yet it is still very apt. It largely addresses the feelings an educated young wife/mother faces in the institution of marriage and motherhood. If anything, the cult of motherhood has only become more strictly confining in the last 45 years as the culture has become more child-centered.
Johnson writes:
In spite of this full life, the old illusions of what life was supposed to hold, the restless remnants, the undefined dreams do not die as they were supposed to. Probably every educated wife has found herself staring at a mountain of dirty diapers and asking herself desperately, "Is this all there is?" And at the same time she is embarrassed by her dissatisfaction; she, of all people, with her intelligence and realistic view of life, should be able to rise above it. But the paradox is that it is she who is least able to. She lives for a better day. Things will be easier when this baby is born, or that one toilet-trained, or the children are all in school; and she will have time to be pretty and intelligent and young again. The mistake is in thinking that everything is going to solve itself by magic. What our girl must do, as she stares at the diapers, is to accept some of the truths about marriage and motherhood that her education and society conspired to keep from her, and go on from there. And if she would appreciate what she has, she must do it now, not next year or five years from now.
Substitute the concrete duty of "washing dirty diapers" with the more current and abstract duty of "fostering self-esteem, creativity, and independence" and you get a sense of where we are these days.
It think that we all know raising children is hard work, but it isn't possible to really calculate the reality before-hand. Johnson also talks about, "The day the doctor confirms one's pregnancy is the day to start bracing oneself for the really hard work." I know this sounds like a downer y'all but in retrospect: Yep! She adds, "I cannot convince my unmarried friends of this, but, of course, that is as it should be, or many babies might never be born." But when you say hard work, it isn't strong enough, it is a hard life, but one that has benefits too. Because anything that is worth having is worth working hard for and children are no different. For me, the emotional challenges having a child creates is an opportunity for tremendous self-reflection. Because you have a little mirror who is a walking/talking reflection of you.
Johnson speaks to these emotions as "deeper and more staggering than any experience before marriage." I have to agree. The feeling of "wanting to murder one's child and really feeling capable of it, and the next moment dissolving into the deepest love and repentance." These are emotions that I do feel and I am sure that many other mothers feel it too. Why then is no one talking about this? Is it because admitting to these feelings makes you a Bad Mother, the worst insult that can be lodged against one these days? Or is it something else. Talk to mothers whose children are grown and many of them admit to "losing it" feeling. I wonder if it is because with distance come greater understanding. And being in the trenches of childrearing, it is nearly impossible to cop to feelings of absolute uncontrollability. This feeling of not being in control goes both ways, because the amount of love that you feel is just as over-powering. Yesterday, I was in the other room, when I heard Nora singing along to the ABC song on Sesame Street, it was the sweetest thing and it brought a rush of tears to my eyes. So, captivity, yes. Prison, no.
The most startling part of this article is that it was written 45 years ago, yet it is still very apt. It largely addresses the feelings an educated young wife/mother faces in the institution of marriage and motherhood. If anything, the cult of motherhood has only become more strictly confining in the last 45 years as the culture has become more child-centered.
Johnson writes:
In spite of this full life, the old illusions of what life was supposed to hold, the restless remnants, the undefined dreams do not die as they were supposed to. Probably every educated wife has found herself staring at a mountain of dirty diapers and asking herself desperately, "Is this all there is?" And at the same time she is embarrassed by her dissatisfaction; she, of all people, with her intelligence and realistic view of life, should be able to rise above it. But the paradox is that it is she who is least able to. She lives for a better day. Things will be easier when this baby is born, or that one toilet-trained, or the children are all in school; and she will have time to be pretty and intelligent and young again. The mistake is in thinking that everything is going to solve itself by magic. What our girl must do, as she stares at the diapers, is to accept some of the truths about marriage and motherhood that her education and society conspired to keep from her, and go on from there. And if she would appreciate what she has, she must do it now, not next year or five years from now.
Substitute the concrete duty of "washing dirty diapers" with the more current and abstract duty of "fostering self-esteem, creativity, and independence" and you get a sense of where we are these days.
It think that we all know raising children is hard work, but it isn't possible to really calculate the reality before-hand. Johnson also talks about, "The day the doctor confirms one's pregnancy is the day to start bracing oneself for the really hard work." I know this sounds like a downer y'all but in retrospect: Yep! She adds, "I cannot convince my unmarried friends of this, but, of course, that is as it should be, or many babies might never be born." But when you say hard work, it isn't strong enough, it is a hard life, but one that has benefits too. Because anything that is worth having is worth working hard for and children are no different. For me, the emotional challenges having a child creates is an opportunity for tremendous self-reflection. Because you have a little mirror who is a walking/talking reflection of you.
Johnson speaks to these emotions as "deeper and more staggering than any experience before marriage." I have to agree. The feeling of "wanting to murder one's child and really feeling capable of it, and the next moment dissolving into the deepest love and repentance." These are emotions that I do feel and I am sure that many other mothers feel it too. Why then is no one talking about this? Is it because admitting to these feelings makes you a Bad Mother, the worst insult that can be lodged against one these days? Or is it something else. Talk to mothers whose children are grown and many of them admit to "losing it" feeling. I wonder if it is because with distance come greater understanding. And being in the trenches of childrearing, it is nearly impossible to cop to feelings of absolute uncontrollability. This feeling of not being in control goes both ways, because the amount of love that you feel is just as over-powering. Yesterday, I was in the other room, when I heard Nora singing along to the ABC song on Sesame Street, it was the sweetest thing and it brought a rush of tears to my eyes. So, captivity, yes. Prison, no.
Repetez S'il Vous Plait
I've never been one to repeat myself. If you can't catch it the first time, well, too bad for you. I'm offended by being asked too many times to repeat myself. I do my part by enunciating and you do your part by listening. We all have our little issues and this is one of mine. And although I recognize that I am at the extreme of the spectrum, I've yet to meet someone who enjoys repeating themselves. This dislike of repeating has led, in part, to my failure to learn a second language and probably also the reason my hair isn't as clean as it could be (Lather, rinse, re-what, I don't think so). So you can imagine the trial my days have become because of the amount of repeating one must do with a two-year-old. Mind-numbing. Requests are rarely obeyed the first time they are uttered and in an effort to repeat myself fewer times I often resort to using a certain tone of voice that generally gets better results. But, I'm not stupid, I know that she will soon grow used to that tone of voice and I will need to change tactics once again. I've seen these mothers who repeat things endlessly in a sort of calm, patient tone that makes me wonder: Are they truly that patient or on drugs? When I use that voice, the "patient" one, it is the one that my mom and sisters have perfected, the one that masks the exasperation underneath. It is a desperate attempt not to reveal the frenzied state that this sort of constant demand on your patience creates. In short it is fake, really fake. But becoming a mother does not automatically reform all the personality traits one has, in fact it exacerbates them. So, I do the best I can and I strongly believe that Nora will be fine although I suspect she too will hate to repeat herself.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Ready, Set, Go
Yeah, I bought airplane tickets yesterday!
I didn't really get a Phenomenal deal, but I have to accept that my anxiety about not having tickets a couple weeks before I travel is worth the hundred or so dollars of a ticket.
So, we leave Thursday morning, August 24 and return Sunday, August 27. It isn't a direct flight, but at least it only takes a few hours. I am figuring I'll be albe to knock off an Atlantic Monthly each way. Another one came yesterday!
I am almost halfway through June though...In fact I read the most interesting archived article about staying home with one's children. It was written in 1961, but feels deeply applicable to today. I want to discuss it a little more once I have thought about it some more.
Okay, it is vital that I take a shower this morning so I need to use my Sesame time for that.
Bye.
I didn't really get a Phenomenal deal, but I have to accept that my anxiety about not having tickets a couple weeks before I travel is worth the hundred or so dollars of a ticket.
So, we leave Thursday morning, August 24 and return Sunday, August 27. It isn't a direct flight, but at least it only takes a few hours. I am figuring I'll be albe to knock off an Atlantic Monthly each way. Another one came yesterday!
I am almost halfway through June though...In fact I read the most interesting archived article about staying home with one's children. It was written in 1961, but feels deeply applicable to today. I want to discuss it a little more once I have thought about it some more.
Okay, it is vital that I take a shower this morning so I need to use my Sesame time for that.
Bye.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
What have I been doing?
I keep wondering what I could have possibly been doing lately that has prevented me for writing a blog entry. The simplest answer is that I have been doing nothing of note which warranted a post. Or that it had to do with work, which I can't blog about unless I want to get dooced. Or that it had to do with the in-laws, which I can't do because, well, I think that's pretty obvious. But in truth, I have spent all my Sesame Street time lately trying to catch up on my Atlantic Monthly magazines. I started about a month ago with January 2006 and just last night I finished May's issue. I've started on June and July/August is a double issue, so here's hoping I can finish before the next one comes. Of course meanwhile my New Yorkers are piling up...A losing battle. Unlike the Atlantic, I have no problem tossing a pile of New Yorkers though. Of course devoting yourself to six months of back issues of a long magazine means no reading gossip magazines or books, which is unfortunate. But SIX months! Desperate measures were in order.
Other projects that have kept me busy this Summer:
We finally got our wedding pictures developed! That required purchase of an album and putting it all together. Once I did that I realized that I needed to organize all my photos, so I have been sorting them and putting them into albums as well. As a strict Virgo, I had to really think about the absolute best way to organize them, strictly chronologically? by category? And what about my unfinished album of my childhood pictures? And the not-even-started-yet album of Nora's first (two) years? Yeah, that will keep me busy into the fall.
I have undertaken the viewing of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all seven seasons and 144 episodes. I had seen the odd episode here and there but knew I needed to watch it all beginning to end. Luckily my babysitter has the super deluxe collection and was willing to loan it to me. I am through to the end of season six. I like it. But, I'm not in love with it. I'm in love with Six Feet Under. Still, this takes up chunks and chunks of time.
Growing a baby. This requires more sleep, more peeing, and more eating. As well as appointments and rereading about the whole birth process. We are already halfway through the pregnancy. Unbelievable! We had an ultrasound last week, nothing too exciting since we didn't find out the sex. They didn't take any very flattering pictures either. But if anyone wants to see a leg bone or the bottom of a foot, that we have. The doctor tried to do a 3D of the face, but the baby wouldn't look up. Which is really fine with me because that is just too much information.
Planning the future. Looking at real estate on line and jobs, and schools, and everything else takes a lot of time. We are leaving for Portland on the 24th, we don't have tickets yet, but I'm hoping for one of those phenomenal Last Minute Deals. We are going sans Nora! I think both Alec and I have been holding out for this weekend for about two months. Four days away from the two-year old? Sign me up! Grandma Faye is going to be looking after her along with a cameo appearance by Jessica who has agreed to relieve Grandma for a 24 hour period. I'm afraid that 24 hours with Nora is going to have a kind of serious birth control effect on her. And as you know once you have kids, you want everyone you know to start having kids...What you didn't know that? Yes, we what everyone we know to get in the boat with us. I wouldn't say misery loves company, but some variation on that is applicable (without the misery part, maybe).
Uh oh, Oscar the grouch is telling slimy another Trash Gordon story which means I have about 3.2 seconds till the end of the magical hour. If she continues watching TV I am entering "Bad Parenting" territory. I'm already in "Questionable Parenting" land by letting the evil box babysit her for a measly hour.
Other projects that have kept me busy this Summer:
We finally got our wedding pictures developed! That required purchase of an album and putting it all together. Once I did that I realized that I needed to organize all my photos, so I have been sorting them and putting them into albums as well. As a strict Virgo, I had to really think about the absolute best way to organize them, strictly chronologically? by category? And what about my unfinished album of my childhood pictures? And the not-even-started-yet album of Nora's first (two) years? Yeah, that will keep me busy into the fall.
I have undertaken the viewing of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all seven seasons and 144 episodes. I had seen the odd episode here and there but knew I needed to watch it all beginning to end. Luckily my babysitter has the super deluxe collection and was willing to loan it to me. I am through to the end of season six. I like it. But, I'm not in love with it. I'm in love with Six Feet Under. Still, this takes up chunks and chunks of time.
Growing a baby. This requires more sleep, more peeing, and more eating. As well as appointments and rereading about the whole birth process. We are already halfway through the pregnancy. Unbelievable! We had an ultrasound last week, nothing too exciting since we didn't find out the sex. They didn't take any very flattering pictures either. But if anyone wants to see a leg bone or the bottom of a foot, that we have. The doctor tried to do a 3D of the face, but the baby wouldn't look up. Which is really fine with me because that is just too much information.
Planning the future. Looking at real estate on line and jobs, and schools, and everything else takes a lot of time. We are leaving for Portland on the 24th, we don't have tickets yet, but I'm hoping for one of those phenomenal Last Minute Deals. We are going sans Nora! I think both Alec and I have been holding out for this weekend for about two months. Four days away from the two-year old? Sign me up! Grandma Faye is going to be looking after her along with a cameo appearance by Jessica who has agreed to relieve Grandma for a 24 hour period. I'm afraid that 24 hours with Nora is going to have a kind of serious birth control effect on her. And as you know once you have kids, you want everyone you know to start having kids...What you didn't know that? Yes, we what everyone we know to get in the boat with us. I wouldn't say misery loves company, but some variation on that is applicable (without the misery part, maybe).
Uh oh, Oscar the grouch is telling slimy another Trash Gordon story which means I have about 3.2 seconds till the end of the magical hour. If she continues watching TV I am entering "Bad Parenting" territory. I'm already in "Questionable Parenting" land by letting the evil box babysit her for a measly hour.
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