Food, part I

My own Garden
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I've always been pretty excited about food, especially the eating of it. Pregnancy is famous for allowing a woman to indulge food in a guilt-free, unselfconscious way. I had my fair share of McDonald's chicken sandwiches with Nora. But with Benjamin it was all about the chicken nuggets from Wendys, chocolate malts, and Mountain Dews. But, I've never been what you would call a confident cook. Recently, my relationship with food has undergone a major change.

It all started in December, on a scale at the YMCA. As the indicator sifted all the way to the right and stopped, my heart began to beat just a little faster. Slyly, looking to see if anyone was looking I gently urged the large bottom pointer to the "150" marker and slid the smaller indicator all the way back to the left. Carefully, I began urging the metal slowly to the right, more and more, and more until it began to balance revealing a number that made me break out into a cold sweat: 158. Huh. How did this happen. My face was red as I quickly hopped off the scale and swatted the indicator aside to erase the evidence of my...my... my actual weight. What I saw that day awakened in me a strong desire...to get thin and stay thin.

Later that day or maybe it was even later that week I strolled into Borders to buy some Christmas presents and spied a book called "Skinny Bitch". I began to flip through it and read a few portions. The abundant use of profanity immediately appealed to me, but more than that it made me think about my assumptions about food and health, as in "I can't give up milk. Can I?" I quickly added it to my stash and headed home. This book, while I don't agree with everything it espouses awakened me. Things I knew, deep down, were elucidated and I decided to completely change what I ate for four months, just to see.