me & nora + ben

Moving shop

2008-09-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

i've started a new blog at .....

http://foodepiphany.wordpress.com/

come visit me!

Food: Part II

2008-06-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so back to mid-December. After reading the pro-vegan "Skinny Bitch" I thought to myself, I can commit to this for a minimum of four months right? My first hurdle was to give us coffee. I admit I had been thinking of doing that for a least a month prior anyway. I never drank a lot of coffee anyway, I mostly had half a cup which would be reheated over and over until late morning when I would finally dump it down the drain. But just giving up that small amount gave me a dull throbbing headache for nearly three days. Once I realized that even that small amount of coffee was affecting my body so strongly, I realized that a lot of the food I was eating was in fact toxic.

I optimistically gave up meat, all meat, even chicken. And then not so optimistically, dairy, which was pretty hard for me. Actually, for most people giving up dairy is hard. I tried some of the replacement products that the book recommended, but it was disgusting. Of course, I made Alec try it too, and he said, "This may be the most disgusting thing I've eaten in years." So, I wasn't able to completely rid myself of dairy, but I cut way way back. No more huge glasses of milk or snacking on slices of cheese. Rather than replace what I had been eating with soy products that had been processed to resemble that food, I wanted to really change what I ate and cooked. So the vegetables were in. Vegetables have never been popular with me. In fact, I think there were actual YEARS of my life when I barely ate any. I never bought them (they only rotted in the bottom of my fridge). When I was pregnant with Nora was the first time in my adult life I remember eating veggies regularly (thanks Alec!). Once I decided to eat more veggies, I was on the search for fresh local, organic produce. I also wanted to be forced to try new vegetables that were outside my usual (limited) range. This led me to Fairview Gardens and their fantastic CSA program.

As I started cooking vegetables instead of meat-centered meals I was completely impressed by how Good the food tasted. I am now convinced that cooking meat is difficult (that is why restaurants are so much better at it than home cooks, ie Me). Whenever I cooked meat it was so all-consuming that I rarely made a side dish and it was a miracle if it was ready at the same time as the meat. Consequently, we often had a meat-only dinner and that meat was never really cooked well. Once my focus shifted to veggies, I'd make three or four different kinds and they were amazingly good. Even Alec agreed, though he mourned the loss of his kielbasa and tri-tip. I started making more and more complex vegetarian meals, lasagnes and galletes. The cooking took longer and without Alec keeping the kids busy I could not have done it. But, we all started feeling healthier and I started to lose a lot of weight.

Food, part I

2008-05-16T16:31:00.001-07:00

My own Garden
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I've always been pretty excited about food, especially the eating of it. Pregnancy is famous for allowing a woman to indulge food in a guilt-free, unselfconscious way. I had my fair share of McDonald's chicken sandwiches with Nora. But with Benjamin it was all about the chicken nuggets from Wendys, chocolate malts, and Mountain Dews. But, I've never been what you would call a confident cook. Recently, my relationship with food has undergone a major change.

It all started in December, on a scale at the YMCA. As the indicator sifted all the way to the right and stopped, my heart began to beat just a little faster. Slyly, looking to see if anyone was looking I gently urged the large bottom pointer to the "150" marker and slid the smaller indicator all the way back to the left. Carefully, I began urging the metal slowly to the right, more and more, and more until it began to balance revealing a number that made me break out into a cold sweat: 158. Huh. How did this happen. My face was red as I quickly hopped off the scale and swatted the indicator aside to erase the evidence of my...my... my actual weight. What I saw that day awakened in me a strong desire...to get thin and stay thin.

Later that day or maybe it was even later that week I strolled into Borders to buy some Christmas presents and spied a book called "Skinny Bitch". I began to flip through it and read a few portions. The abundant use of profanity immediately appealed to me, but more than that it made me think about my assumptions about food and health, as in "I can't give up milk. Can I?" I quickly added it to my stash and headed home. This book, while I don't agree with everything it espouses awakened me. Things I knew, deep down, were elucidated and I decided to completely change what I ate for four months, just to see.

Priorities

2008-04-28T16:35:00.001-07:00

After I
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last week we actually paid someone to do some work around our house. We have actually not done this before, ever, and I think I may become addicted. When the house was being built, both Alec and I spent countless hours DIYing all over the place. I painted till I had tendonitis and Alec is still finishing up the baseboards and woodwork here and there. So, it was with unprecedented pleasure that I hired out a job involving home improvement. One day about a month ago I decided to put up wallpaper in my office. I had been thinking about wallpaper for awhile and then I saw some great patterns over at design public. So, after thinking about how hard it would be to do ourselves (and the roughly two hours per weekend day we have child-free) got two estimates. Then I simply ordered the paper (found it cheaper than design public) and hired someone to do the job. I left for work on Thursday and by the time I got home, Viola! the room looked fabulous. I love to sit in this room and just look at the wallpaper, love it, love it, love it!

Now I want more! We've already done a great flying bird installation from Blik (I'll post photos later). So, I'm thinking either the laundry room needs a little TLC, we buy a couple of accent chairs for the living room, or buy some bedside sconces for our bedroom. I think I have already spent our stimulus check about four times over. And I was actually planning on just saving it!

I want to write a separate entry for each of the things that has been keeping me busy over the last several months but here's a preview: Food (as in what I eat and what my family eats), Weight loss (obviously connected to the first), paying off debt, living with less, and reading more. Oh yeah, and raising two willful, beautiful children.

Back?

2008-04-22T13:07:00.001-07:00

Beach Boy
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

So, I thought I was all through with blogging. But maybe it was just a really long break. I was reading some of my really old posts this weekend and I was quite amused and had forgotten a lot of the little things that went on. So, I want to have that kind of record of my life, but I also want to write entertaining entries, which can be hard when your life is monotony incarnate. How can I possibly be interesting when I think a good weekend consists of finishing four loads of laundry and getting at least one nap in? I mean really who am I? I guess for a while there I had to completely surrender to motherhood in all it's isolating grandness. But now that Benjamin is getting older I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Early childhood is a labor-intensive time in a parent's life and some days all you can do is get the dishes put away and watch an episode of the Daily Show and call it a day.
So, I can't make any promises, but I will try to keep up the blogging as long as you don't mind the occasional (usual) parenting crap, because I am knee-deep folks, knee-deep!

Early in the Morning

2007-09-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

I am up before anyone in the house right now. I should really wake up Alec before he is late for work, but to be awake and doing something before anyone is stirring is quie addicting. I heard some rustling in the brush by the ravine at around 6:30. Something heavy walking slowly and so bleary-eyed I peered through the window to try and see what it was. I already knew it was a coyote, but I wanted to see it. Then it walked up from the ravine and into our yard, right past the table and chairs as if it was the family dog. Knowing that one of my kitties was still outside I darted upstairs and looked out the back door fully expecting to be about three feet from the coyote, but it was nowhere. I quickly ran uot to the deck and scooped up Ruby, who was lying very still on the bench by the door, and ran back inside.

Nora's door just oppened: time to start another day!

Up and sputtering

2007-09-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

So, I am off and not quite running.
I have made a quickie web presence at www.babyjanedesign.com and am still focusing on finishing and photographing miss nora's room and soon will turn my attention to sir benjamin. I also had a friend call me today to ask if I would help her do an invitation to her son's birthday....I love doing invites and parties so I am super excited. Perhaps I should add this to my list of services....

Heat Wave

2007-09-03T18:56:00.001-07:00

Nora and Benjamin
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

It has been HOT here all weekend. We are fortunate that our house is built into a hillside and that the downstairs (where we sleep) is almost contantly comfortably cool and because it is CA it always cools down at night. But it has still been too hot out to do much of anything. We went to Sears today to bask in the A/C and they were conserving energy so they had the A/C turned down(up?) and half the lights off. It felt pretty strange, like shopping after a cataclysmic disaster. Yesterday we filled up the kiddie pool and splashed around for a few minutes. I really, really wish we had a real pool!

Consult Me

2007-08-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to take one step forward in my dream of being paid to shop. I am hoping to start consulting on and decorating nurserys and children's rooms! I have definately thought about doing this before now, but I guess I just assumed that people loved to decorate a nursery and that it would not be a terribly good business plan. But after speaking with some friends and moms, I have come to realize that they don't actually relish the idea of scouring the web for that perfect piece of furniture or accessory that will set their kid's room apart. And we all like to bounce ideas off someone. I am hoping start working on my portfolio ASAP, starting with finishing Nora's room and getting it photographed. Then finishing Bubba's (temporary) room and photographing it and then moving him into Nora's room (redoing it in the process) and photographing it! I am already helping my friend redo her daughter's room 2000 miles away and I hope to help some in-town friends and perhaps even a pregnant friend too! Once I have a portfolio I would hope to develop a business plan and start getting paid to do this. Eventually, I would like to have a retail store that would house all of the fabulous things I find and have a space in back to meet with clients. I am inspired by so many placed that I have visited and, of course, by buying stuff for my own kids. I hope that I can keep the excitement and momentum up for this!

Siblings

2007-08-13T13:13:00.001-07:00

Nora and Benjamin
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

There are days, not today mind you, when I wonder at the wisdom of having two children. I never wanted an only child, but I think that my personal patience quota is a little shaky when it comes to dealing with two kids. There is rarely any down time, you basically just switch off between the two. It is harder now because Nora has been home from school for the last week and is home this week as well. But honestly, I didn't realize how constant having two is. I thought one was hard, but when she was sleeping or occupied I could at least take a shower or do something, but now I have to worry about not only what Nora or Benjamin might do but what Nora AND Benjamin might do. They are pretty good so far but as Benjamin gets fiesty about his things I see trouble brewing! Fortunately they really do love each other too, as evidenced in this pic!

nora's room

2007-08-10T10:18:00.001-07:00

nora's room
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

My friend asked to see pictures of Nora's room. I haven't taken any in a long time. I guess because I just keep thinking I'll wait until it is finished. But, I should know by now that things are never really "done" I am always changing things around. A few weeks ago we made a big push to get her room a little more finshed. Alec put up the base boards and built the little bench under the window. I took advantage of the penny sale at Aaron Brothers to buy some frames for pictures that were just laying around. And then I went to IKEA solo and bought a lot of veneered furniture...a lot. I like the way it looks in her room and also that it is so cheap that if something happens to it, oh well. We had visions of moving Benjamin into Nora's room about three months ago, but he still isn't sleeping through the night (I won't go into this right now). But we hope to move him in in the next couple of weeks so that I can have my office back and they can get used to each other.
Anyway, I love Nora's room and sort of wish it had been mine when I was little. Enoy the pictures, I'm open to ideas...

California is like a bowl of cereal...

2007-07-26T15:21:00.000-07:00

...full of nuts, fruits, and flakes. Someone told me that a dozen years ago when I moved to California and over the years I have seen that it is true to the extent that any gross generalization is true. I don't really mind the nuts and I'm not sure who the fruits are but it is the flakes that have been bothering me lately. People in California are flaky, I've know that for a very long time and most of time I just keep on rolling. To East coast folks, Californians are fake, too nice, and they just don't suffer enough in that yankee way. To Midwesterners, Californians are Weird, they eat strange things, live in a climate that is nice but boring, and spend waay too much for houses. True enough, but what really gets me is that everyone is so fucking unreliable! It has worked to my advantage in the past: just showing up for work means you are in the top 10% of employees. People here don't even quit a job, they just stop SHOWING UP to work and eventually the employer mails them their last check. So if just showing up to work is half the battle, if you actually do your work you are employee of the month.

Even outside of the work relationship reliability is optional. We've been selling some things on craigslist and so far more than four people have NOT SHOWN UP after telling us they want the item and gotten directions to our house And told us when they will be there. Seriously, what the hell? This is annoying but I don't take it personally. If you don't want to buy my crap, I understand, no biggie.

But, when it comes to forming new friendships or maintaining fledgling ones, unrealiability is "totally uncool". I do take it personally when I have people cancel last minute, not follow through, or never call. I can't help it I'm sensitive. So, what to do? Well I have joined a new group of moms, they meet every week and do things both with kids and without, sounds great. First meet up since I joined is tomorrow. Two yeses, four maybees, and six nos. So, today when I go to RSVP I find that one of the organizers has posed the following question: "If the maybe's want to update, maybe you can still "meet-up" if Lily and I aren't there???" Yep that's the organizer and the co-organizer. Now there are no yeses and only four maybes (including mine). What am I supposed to take from this?

Lack

2007-07-25T20:37:00.002-07:00

I am tired

all the time

of everything

especially myself

Busy, Busy, Busy

2007-06-04T12:06:00.001-07:00

Happy Kids
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

The month of May absolutely flew by and June is threatening to do the same.
So, here are the highlights:

Went to Virginia for a business trip and got to see Alison!
Went to San Diego for three days, two of which were spent at SeaWorld.
Went to Big Sur for my neice's 14th birthday.
Made a nice little BBQ area for the summer.
Beginning to research a picturebook/illustration segment for the UCSB summer class on Children's Literature (which I am actually getting paid to do).
Working from home.
Trying to get Benjamin to sleep through the night.
Cooking from my new fabulous "America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook" and
going to bed on average at 8:45.

Honey Bear

2007-05-04T17:35:00.001-07:00

Honey Bear
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Oh I'm going to miss my little Bubba!
I leave on a business trip on Sunday and return home Wednesday. I am excited to, you know, sleep and be by myself. But I will certainly miss this little face. He really is a mama's boy. LOVE him. and nora too. and alec.

Resigned

2007-04-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

Alec is stronger than I am.

I can't let the little bugger cry anymore, it is just too stressful for me. After the Monday cry-a-thon, I realized that Ben had rubbed his little feet raw. He rubs his feet together like a cricket when he is crying and thrashing around. He had used his long toenails to scratch his ankles and feet. Not a good look on an infant. Also, we have fleas. Faye thinks he has flea bites on his foot, but I don't. I have flea bites though. We got the cats on the Advantage stuff so that the entire house won't become infested.

I feel a little sad that I am not strong enough this week to battle it out with a four month old and win, but sleep deprivation will do that to a person. Speaking of which, I am going to go to bed now.

Cry it out Little Man

2007-04-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

Connected to my last post about sleeping here is what is happening in the household this week. Sleep training! Cadet Benjamin is the second in the household to be enlisted in the Cry it Out camp. The philosophy is so simple, yet so hard to implement. Basically, your baby needs to sleep and eat when you say so, based on their natural desires, of course. What you don't do is rock a baby completely to sleep, or drive them around to get them to sleep, or do anything except let them cry them selves to sleep. Once they figure out that they are going to have to cry it out, they learn pretty fast that crying yourself to sleep just isn't worth it. This training usually takes about 3-5 days, but can take up to two weeks. I'm hoping for 5 days. Yesterday, Benjamin cried for the entire afternoon. Starting at 12:00 and lasting (with two breaks) until I made a break for it at 4:00 when Alec came home. I remember doing this with Nora, vaguely. But I don't think she lasted for more than an hour in the crying department. Home boy is racking up an astonishing hour plus.

the ideal schedule
6:3o wake and eat, play until 8:oo or 8:3o
8:30 nap for 1 to 1 1/2 hours
9:30 or 10:00 wake and eat, play until 11:00 or 11:30
repeat until bed time @ 7:00 pm

Day 1
So far today:
6:45 woken up, barely ate, played until 8:30
8:30 napped until 9:45
9:45 barely ate, played and ran errands until 11:00
11:15 napped...until 11:45 uh oh deviation from schedule, what to do. 12:00 started to cry, 12:15 still crying. Must wait until 12:30 to feed him, he's so wound up now he'll never get back to sleep...so I guess crying for another 15 minutes, this sucks.

Sleep

2007-04-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today was a hard day. I won't go into it because it may make my friends without children, think twice about joining me in the world of parenting and I can't have that.

But, I wanted to post today because I was talking to a friend who said she can tell I have two kids due to my lack of posts. That is absolutely true. Any extra time I have is now solely devoted to sleeping. I was never like this before. I never hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, I mean what is the point of putting off the inevitable? I have to get up either now or in 13 minutes and what will that extra thirteen minutes of sleep really get me. I only wanted to sleep when I knew I could enjoy it. For example at night or late evening. I typically am in bed these days by 9:00. This is a double edged sword because Nora's bed time is 8:00 and if I want any time sans children this is it. But I desire sleep more. More than even tv. More than TV? how did I get here!!! Anyway, this morning I fed Benjamin at 5:36am finished at about 6:00 and returned to bed. Did I mention that Nora came in my room at about 5:00am to inform me that she was ready to go upstairs and have her vitamin and two spoonfuls of peanut butter. Outraged I told her NO, it's dark, I am still sleeping and you need to go back to your room and either get back in bed or play QUIETLY until I say so. When I returned to bed at 6ish she was still playing in her room (though she had come upstairs twice during the feeding) I knew that Alec would leave for work at a little before 7:00 so I was hoping for just an extra few minutes. They aren't quality minutes just minutes of defiance: I choose when I get up out of bed, not a three-year old and certainly not a 3-month old. Those minutes lasted far less than a snooze button.

Moving

2007-03-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

Nora and Jessica
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

My best friend Jessica is moving to Seattle in a few months. We've known for some time that she would be doing this. In fact, I counseled her to move. All of the reasons for her to move are very good ones, the thing is--I'm really going to miss her. Thinking back, I have often advised my friends to move, especially when they are stuck in a rut. I think it is because I really like moving. Finding a new place to live is exciting. I even like packing and unpacking. Call me crazy, but I really should have married somone who's work involved moving. But, I am sure that if I had to move every few years I would soon grow tired of making new friends and setting up house. Especially now with kids, it makes sense to stay put. Essentially, we are not moving in the near future.
As tempting as Portland is with its appeal of homeownership and complete independence. We haven't been appreciating what we have here. Beautiful weather almost year-round, free babysitting just 200 yards away, a beautiful brand new house, and friends. Nora has friends here as to I and Alec. Our work situations couldn't be more ideal. I am working from home, part-time and Alec is about to start an incredible work situation. So, eventhough I am getting the three-year itch to move again, I'm putting down roots.
I'll have to live vicariously through Jessica: hiring a U-Haul, packing, selling stuff, planning it all--except at the end of it all I will just be left behind, missing my buddy.

Landmark week in the world of parenting...

2007-03-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

Perplexed...
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Three nights running, Benjamin has slept through the night. What that actually translates into is 12:00-6:00 or Heaven for parents! Life is just so much better when the babies, they sleep.

I have been watching too much Netflix. I am on season 3 of the Sopranos. I don't have a disc tonight and I feel like some part of my family is missing. Plus I have started swearing a lot more...

Work is going well. I am finally able to work for longer and longer chunks of time.

Benjamin is a good baby and Nora is an even better big sister. He is growing apace, 13lbs and 8 oz. at his last check-up, for those that care, that means 90th percetile. Speaking of percentiles how do they calculate that, because Ben had a bit of a head start on most babies, is that figured in?

I wish our lives were more exciting. The highlight of my week was ordering a new stroller online. Yeah, the year of savings? not so much. We test drove a Toyota Highlander yesterday...

schizo much

2007-02-12T15:45:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to point out that I recognize the up and down nature of my moods as evidenced by recent posts. I could blame it on the hormones, but that is like saying that you only said something because you were drunk.

Motherhood, take two

2007-02-12T15:42:00.000-08:00

Mom and Ben
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Mothering the second time around is really great. Of course there is more work involved because the older one does not cease to exist just because there is a new baby in the family. But it feels like we are a Family, not just a couple with a kid. And because we've already mourned our "life beofre" we don't have the same issues with knowing that dinner out begins at 5:00 or 5:30. And that our netfix nights can only begin after 8:00. But mostly it is amazing to have an older child with such personality and to look at this little baby and realize that he will have a personality too. What is he going to be like? A simple question, but one I don't mind taking years to answer.

He is a good boy. And having a boy is really different than I thought it would be. I knew I wanted a little girl, because I come from a family of girls, my closest friends have always been girls; I know girls. Boys on the other hand, I just don't get. They are loud and they don't talk much and their clothes are not nearly as exciting. But, there is something else about them...something I can't really put into words. I guess I'm talking about the Mamma's Boy phenomonon. When I look at him I know that he loves me just a little bit the most. Kind of like how Nora loves Alec differently than she loves me.

Right now both of them are asleep and the feeling is amazing. Sort of like the freedom I felt when I got my driver's license and was out in the car by myself. Stealing time from whatever I was supposed to be doing to do something I wanted to do. And kind of like the triumphant feeling you get when you complete a complicated brain teaser, like "I hoped I was competent enough to accomplish this, but I wasn't sure until it was all done." Like any great feeling, it is fleeting and they are both due to wake up at any minute (but Alec should be home any minute too!) Victory!!!!

Babies, Toddler, and two cats

2007-02-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

The "o" face
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Hello. We have a lot of beings in our house. Who would have thought that adding one new baby would have had such a exponential effect on our family. Suddenly, the neediness of the cats and nora and myself are amplified. What was left of y me time has been drastically reduced and I find myself getting mad at the smallest things. For example, Nora has this new baby Einstein CD (actually I think it may have been a gift to Benjamin) and it is awful. The music vaguely resembles classical music but with synthesizers. Yuck!!!!!! I bought Nora a CD with far better classical music on it that is played on actual instruments but this morning she insisted on the crappy version. I got so pissed because I am so sick and tired of doing what she wants. TV: winnie the fucking pooh or bambi. Music: she'll be coming round the mountain or baby fucking Einstein. If we're inside, she wants to go outside, if we're outside she wants to go inside. And I won't even go into the food issues. Basically, I'm running on very little sleep and I feel like a milk dispenser and I want to go to Target and get lunch with a friend and maybe see a movie. Simple little things really.

Sorry, just need to whine a bit!

I'm in Love

2007-01-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

Pretty Boy
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I'm not sure if it is because it is the second one or not, but it seems much, much easier this time around. I suppose it is because I'm already used to caring for someone 24-7 (and by the way that someone is very demanding and talks back--a lot). So taking care of a cudly little bundle of warm, wonderful smelling baby is quite lovely. He is a really good baby, as babies go. He is nursing well and sleeping as much as his tummy will allow him to (approx. 3 hours at a time). He is already trying to hold his head up and turn onto his side. Can you imagine what it must be like to feel either completely full or totally starving?!

My mom was here for the last week and she was a great help. She drove up to Big Sur with her husband today to visit my sister. They will be back Monday. I have to say that it is a bit of a struggle to get Nora ready for school while also attending to Benjamin. But, we'll get it together eventually!

I am hoping to post a short birth story here soon, don't worry I won't be too graphic!

Benjamin Oliver

2007-01-06T10:15:00.000-08:00

Benjamin Oliver
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Yes indeed!

Meet Benjamin Oliver Schumacher, born January 5, 2007 at 9:11 am. He is a healthy 9 pounds and 10 ounces!
We was born at home with the help of my Midwife Anna Bunting and her assistant Rhonda after about 12 hours of labor. Once we've all slept a little bit more I will post again.

Yeah!

41 Weeks

2007-01-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

Belly and little hands
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Guess what? Still no baby!

I just had a nice visit from my midwife and we talked about the improbablity that I would need to be induced. Nevertheless, I am still no closer to having this baby than I was last week. This week I'll have to go in for testing on Friday and then probably see my OB as well. She's going to want to induce me, but I don't really want to. I mean, don't get me wrong I want to have this baby I really, really do. But, I want my body to be ready to have it and not forced into it. As long as the little bugger is hanging in there I would like to wait until my body gives the green light. Labors started with induction are notoriously difficult. Nora was induced with this gel stuff, prostagladin, and I felt the effects, called "hyper uterine contractions", very accutely. So, I guess it is just a wait (and wait) and see game.

My Buddy is a new Mom

2006-12-29T08:19:00.000-08:00

Christmas Day 2006
Originally uploaded by alifri.

So, Alison and Shawn are new parents and boy are they cute! Alison had her first daughter, Elizabeth Austen, aka Ellie on November 30, 2006. As you can see from this picture, she is already a pro. She is coming up on one month of motherhood, the end of what I like to call the Hazy period. It is possible she is now getting more than two hours of sleep at a time and maybe even venturing outside the house regularly. I am starting to get kinda nostalgic. Nora and I watched some videos of her when she was this age (and younger) in an effort to demonstrate that babies don't do much of anything except eat, sleep, poop, and cry. Considering that is all they do they are surprisingly time-consuming.

As for me, still no baby. Sound familiar? Ah well. I went to an accupuncturist on Wednesday and Thursday in an attempt to get labor started. Yes, I am a little desperate. But the price tag will keep me from returning $100 the first day and $65 the second. Ouch, you know I would have rather had a trip to Target for that amount. I did have some relatively strong contractions last night but they only lasted an hour. If we have the baby after the first our new insurance will reimburse us for part of the cost of the homebirth. If we have the baby before the first then we get out little tax deduction. So I guess either way is beneficial. Only two more days to spend, I think I will order a new big rug for our living room and maybe some side tables...

Due Date

2006-12-26T08:57:00.000-08:00

Christmas Couple
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Today is my official due date, which means absolutely nothing. Only 3% of women (or something like that) deliver on their EDD (estimated due date).

We had a very relaxing Christmas. Nora woke up at 6:00 thanks to Alec's alarm going off. I refused to get up before daylight, so Alec dutifully played with Nora in her room for 50 minutes and we headed up the stairs at 6:50 to open gifts in a bleary-eyed, haze.

Nora loved her gauche stroller ($12 at Ross) and her Kitchen, but most of all she loved Bambi, which we watched immediately. Vic and Faye hosted us and Alec' s sister's family all day. We broke at around 1:00 for naps and then reconvened for dinner. It was a very mellow Christmas and the weather was beautiful. About 75 degrees.

Alec and I took lots of pictures with our new camera, a Canon EOS Rebel XT!!! We bought it last weekend. Quite a big purchase for us. We even upgraded to a nicer lens with an image stabalizer. I'm not sure who we think we are. In an effort to rationalize recent purchases (new imac anyone), I decided that 2006 is a year of spending and 2007 will be a year of SAVING. So, I only have a few days left to get a year's worth of stuff!

The Waiting Game

2006-12-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Ornament
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

One of the last great mysteries in the world is that no one knows what makes a woman go into labor. And, seeing as how I never went into labor on my own last time, my body is also somewhat foreign to the idea. In other words, you can be ready physically (and especially mentaly) to go into labor and for some unknown reason, you don't. Towards the beginning of my pregnancy I kept telling myself that the due date was immaterial and that truely I shouldn't expect to see this baby on the outside until New Year's (or after) I sort of tricked myself into believing that maybe it would be last week or this week. I mean don't I deserve to have a smaller baby, earlier? I think so. Additionally, I am quite large and I am not sure that I can physically get much bigger. But, again and again kids teach you the lesson you least want to learn, mine being patience. So, here comes lesson #572.

Vic and Faye are using this time to finish little projects around our house. Two weekends ago it was tiling the backsplash in the kitchen. It looks great and it motivated Alec to finish hanging the last cupboard and also finish the floor detail around the raised refridge. But it took an entire weekend and then some. Our house is small and there is really nowhere to go other than the great room or a bedroom. Last weekend, it was the bathroom doors that lead from each bathroom to the closet. They are glass and consequently don't provide quite the level of privacy our guests require. The plan was to frost the glass. Faye tried a spray on frosting that didn't work so know we are trying to figure out a way around the $150 price tag of having it prefessionally done. In the meantime, Faye has started painting the door trim for said doors, it will look great, but wasn't on my list of "things that absolutely need to get done before the baby is born" so I am feeling a little like my birth space is being invaded. If I go into labor any day now (which I have already established is unlikely) and there is clutter everywhere I know it will be a problem. So, I am hoping all these little projects get wrapped up b the weekend and then there will be no more until at least 2007.

We are really looking forward to Christmas with Nora this year. She has been so excited about everything so far. She asked Santa for Bambi, the movie. She loves it. We got it from Netflix several months ago and when we mailed it back she cried. We kept telling her to ask Santa for it and she hasn't forgotten. I'm glad she likes Bambi versus say Dora the Explorer. I watched one video of Dora and I swear lost several brian cells.

True to form, Alec and I treated ourselves to a very nice gift a la Santa. But we did wrap it up and put it under the tree just to be fun about it all!

Soon, no really...

2006-12-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

I'm finally off work! My last day was Tuesday, I was hoping to use these next two weeks to relax and get ready for baby, but...Nora's daycare is closed starting next week, for two weeks! So I have basically yesterday and today to fly solo. Yesterday I went to several stores, like a madwoman, gathering the last items necessary for Christmas packages. Last night I made cookies, today I am packaging everything up so that I can mail it out. Phew!

On Monday night I woke up at 3:00 AM with Braxton Hicks contractions. They went away after a few hours but it means my body is getting ready to have this baby. I am excited but also nervous. I know that I have been through this before, but it is still hard work, hence the name Labor. Also, two kids? What the hell were we thinking?! We barely get enough sleep as it is. Nora regularly wakes up at 5:00 or earlier. But the thought of a little bundle that will become a bonafide person within just a couple years, that is just amazing! Oh yeah and they smell absolutely divine!

I also finished my web design class on Monday. Here is the result: http://soma.sbcc.edu/Users/Students/JGoffin/index.htm

Belly Shot

2006-11-27T12:12:00.000-08:00

Covering Strech Marks
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

So, last pregnancy I didn't want pictures taken, at all, ever. But this time around, well I guess I just don't care anymore. In this picture I am covering up my wicked stretch marks with my hands. In the other one, not so much. I did not get bad strech marks last time. I think I ended up having about two or three once it was all over. This time, holy crap, they are massive. I don't find them completely disgusting or anything like that, just kinda weird.

Anyway, I just met with another midwife that may be helping assist my primary midwife, Anna. But she is off the week after Christmas and I am due on the 26th. So, if this baby decides to make an appearance in December, then she will be here, if not it will be Anna and a Doula named Rhonda. I still haven't met her, but I imagine she is great.

It was interesting recounting my birth story for this midwife, I described it as frantic, she said explosive. Both are acurate. I am hoping for a much more relaxed birth this time around, at least one which does not include a frenetic drive around Cambride, in fact avoiding the car at all costs is what I am hoping for.

Oh, shit. Nora just woke up. She should not be awake, at all!!!

Shoes

2006-11-21T07:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday.

Me: Nora, please put on your shoes.
Nora:
Me: Nora, please put on your shoes.
Nora:
Me: Nora, we have to go, please put your shoes on.
Nora: I is (actually she's not).
Me: Nora, did you hear what I said?
Nora: No.
Me: I said, Put on you Shoes.
Nora: Oh, okay mommy.
Me: NORA! Put on your f'ing shoes!
Nora: You mean my fucking shoes?
Me: No (ahhh, yeah actually), your shoes.

Baby and Belly

2006-11-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

I received an emailed newsletter from babycenter this week stating that the baby I am carrying is currently weighing in at around 4 pounds. The baby is pretty well baked by now, basically just the frosting is left. The bones are getting harder and the little bugger is packing on the pounds (actually so am I). Considering Miss Nora was a healthy 8 pounds and 10 ounces, I am hoping for a wee smaller one this time around. Unfortunately, those warnings on cigarette boxes stating, "May cause low birth weight" are become less cautionary and more enticing by the day. I still have about 7 weeks to go, and that is only if the baby is born on the due date and I am definately NOT putting my money on that scenario.

So, now that I am 33 weeks, I have entered the point of pregnancy where I am constantly tired. I fall asleep some nights at 7:30, right after Nora does. Some of you may remember this time in my pregnancy with Nora, it was when I NEVER saw the end of the Apprentice. Luckily, I now have TiVo, which besides utterly changing my life also makes sure that falling asleep before primetime doesn't inhibit my ability to watch Lost or Prison Break.

In other news, I am taking a web design class at the City College. I really like it and as a bonus I am bartering with my midwife. I design and build a website for her, she brings our baby into the world safetly and natuarally. I am beginning to get ready for not just the baby's arrival but also for the fact that the event will happen here, in my house. Living in this culture, it is hard to adjust your thinking to the fact that you aren't going anywhere to have the baby, you won't be coming home from anywhere. What I am most looking forward to is not having to be in a car while in the throws of labor. Last time was not easy, I swear Nora was almost born just outside of Harvard Square and a car is really no place to have a baby.

Last weekend a good family friend hosted a baby shower for me. It was really nice and I will post photos to flickr when I get a chance. Most of the people were friends of Faye's but a couple people from work came along with my two friends Jessica and Nancy. The food was amazing. A goat cheese tarte, curried chicken salad, fabulous green salad, little tea sandwiches with cucumber and cream cheese, and an interesting "harvest salad" with pears, prunes, apricots and other dried fruits in a syrup, very good. For dessert we had a bread pudding made with croissants served with whipping cream and strawberries. YUM! There was also a two-month old baby there. He slept through most of it. But at the end Nora and Alec came and Nora got to hold him. She was so good with him it amazed us all. Let's just hope for the same with our little bundle.

The travelling family

2006-10-23T07:55:00.000-07:00

The travelling family
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

So, we're back home. The trip was really wonderful. I got sick approximately two days after returning home. I am still sick, not going into work today, trying to keep Nora somewhat occupied. I will post for real when I feel better. But...I did upload all my pictures so that will have to do for now.

Radio Flyer

2006-10-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

Bike Rider
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We bought this trike for Nora almost a year ago. We put it together about three months ago and now she is finally able to ride it. She was too small at first, but she has been eating her veggies and can now reach the pedals. Another impediment to learning to ride is that our driveway though huge and flat, is gravel. Not so easy. She rides on our wrap-around deck a little (when there isn't tons of crap on it) but when she reaches the end she has to turn around and it is just painful to watch. So, we took her out to a big parking lot down the street yesterday morining where she could really open it up. She can't go fast enough to feel that thrill you get when riding a bike, but she loves it anyway.

We are spending the weekend getting ready for the big trip. It will be fun to have a little break in the monotony of our lives. Mostly, it will be great to see all our friends! I hope the weather cooperates with us. It is actually raining here today. But in a good way, the naping with cats, eating soup way. And that awful wildfire continues to burn so I am sure they are glad of the sprinkles. The fire has been burning since Labor day, and has burned something like 120,000 acres (I may have made that number up completely, but is is a reliably good guess).

Apple Picking

2006-09-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

Nora in the Crowd
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Nora's new day care went to a local Apple orchard on Monday and I went along too (it wasn't her normal day to be in daycare). It was pretty fun, mostly I like watching how she acts with the other little kids. Of course when I am around she (mis) behaves differently, but still.

Not much new to report. I am working more hours and just about to start my third trimester. Sleep abounds. I started taking a web design class, which I am really excited about. I will be desining a site for my midwife as part of a barter. I am having fun thinking about how to organize it (hello Virgo) and design it (hello stylie).

A week from today we head back East. For Susan's wedding and much, much more. Here's the itinerary:

Oct 3 arrive Boston late evening (staying in the South End)
Oct 4 Boston
Oct 5 Boston
Oct 6 Boston and onto Westwood (staying with Jennifer)
Oct 7 Westwood (Sus Wedding)
Oct 8 Westwood (Sus brunch
Oct 9 NYC (staying near the Plaza)
Oct 10 NYC
Oct 11 NYC
Oct 12 NYC
Oct 13 to Philly (to see Adam and Patrick)
Oct 14 Philly
Oct 15 to DC (to see Alison and Shawn and the bump)
Oct 16 DC
Oct 17 DC
Oct 18 back Home

I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for this trip!

Portland Sucks!

2006-08-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

Just Kidding, it totally rocked!

I'm not sure whether it was the Nora-less-ness of the trip, or the nice weather, or the fact that it is just plain an awesome city, but we're sold.

Let me begin with the most important things first.

The shopping:
1. So many, many cute and cool boutiques everywhere in these funky neighborhoods. Lovely clothes, baby stuff, cards, jewelry, and bags I was awed.
2. They have a West Elm (and a bunch of other box stores I love, like Crate and Barrel)!
3. There is a whole Newbury-like street called 23rd that we just drove by, but I can tell will take weeks of exploring.
4. Bookstores, like on every corner AND Powells.
5. They are building an IKEA, right now.
6. NO SALES TAX, seriously, does it get any better.

The houses:
1. Affordable period.
2. Lots of Craftsman style houses (in our price range)!
3. Full of beautiful period details and gorgeous woodwork that people up there seem to understand is important to keep intact.
4. There are so many parks that you house is bound to be within a mile of two or more. Many of which have water features (wading pools) and playgrounds.
5. Amazing real estate sites (okay, not particular to Portland, but I learned of one while I was there so Portland gets the credit). If you have not yet explored Zillow.com you will enter every address you can think of to get info on appreciation etc.
6. The city of Portland's website has a thing where you plug in the address and it will tell you the assessor's history (like how much the house sold for last) and the parks nearby as well as where your local sex offender is residing. Neato!

Food:
1. Eating out, well we didn't have much money to do this but the two times I ate breakfast out I was very pleased. Also there seems to be a very vibrant chef/gourmet community.
2. Eating in, can you say ORGANIC? It seems that Portland like to eat organic and local too. There is a farmer's market in every single neighborhood.

Kids:
We saw a ton of them and their parents too. It seems that families thrive here. Maybe it is the combination of jobs and affordable housing, who knows.

In short people, this is a done deal. Now all we need to do is work out the details. By the way, we took no pictures of Portland. Apparently we don't know how to take a picture in which Nora is not the subject.

Thinking about the Article

2006-08-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are me thoughts about the Atlantic Article The Captivity of Marriage by Nora Johnson. Though I would probably change the title slightly to the Captivity of Motherhood.

The most startling part of this article is that it was written 45 years ago, yet it is still very apt. It largely addresses the feelings an educated young wife/mother faces in the institution of marriage and motherhood. If anything, the cult of motherhood has only become more strictly confining in the last 45 years as the culture has become more child-centered.

Johnson writes:

In spite of this full life, the old illusions of what life was supposed to hold, the restless remnants, the undefined dreams do not die as they were supposed to. Probably every educated wife has found herself staring at a mountain of dirty diapers and asking herself desperately, "Is this all there is?" And at the same time she is embarrassed by her dissatisfaction; she, of all people, with her intelligence and realistic view of life, should be able to rise above it. But the paradox is that it is she who is least able to. She lives for a better day. Things will be easier when this baby is born, or that one toilet-trained, or the children are all in school; and she will have time to be pretty and intelligent and young again. The mistake is in thinking that everything is going to solve itself by magic. What our girl must do, as she stares at the diapers, is to accept some of the truths about marriage and motherhood that her education and society conspired to keep from her, and go on from there. And if she would appreciate what she has, she must do it now, not next year or five years from now.

Substitute the concrete duty of "washing dirty diapers" with the more current and abstract duty of "fostering self-esteem, creativity, and independence" and you get a sense of where we are these days.

It think that we all know raising children is hard work, but it isn't possible to really calculate the reality before-hand. Johnson also talks about, "The day the doctor confirms one's pregnancy is the day to start bracing oneself for the really hard work." I know this sounds like a downer y'all but in retrospect: Yep! She adds, "I cannot convince my unmarried friends of this, but, of course, that is as it should be, or many babies might never be born." But when you say hard work, it isn't strong enough, it is a hard life, but one that has benefits too. Because anything that is worth having is worth working hard for and children are no different. For me, the emotional challenges having a child creates is an opportunity for tremendous self-reflection. Because you have a little mirror who is a walking/talking reflection of you.

Johnson speaks to these emotions as "deeper and more staggering than any experience before marriage." I have to agree. The feeling of "wanting to murder one's child and really feeling capable of it, and the next moment dissolving into the deepest love and repentance." These are emotions that I do feel and I am sure that many other mothers feel it too. Why then is no one talking about this? Is it because admitting to these feelings makes you a Bad Mother, the worst insult that can be lodged against one these days? Or is it something else. Talk to mothers whose children are grown and many of them admit to "losing it" feeling. I wonder if it is because with distance come greater understanding. And being in the trenches of childrearing, it is nearly impossible to cop to feelings of absolute uncontrollability. This feeling of not being in control goes both ways, because the amount of love that you feel is just as over-powering. Yesterday, I was in the other room, when I heard Nora singing along to the ABC song on Sesame Street, it was the sweetest thing and it brought a rush of tears to my eyes. So, captivity, yes. Prison, no.

Repetez S'il Vous Plait

2006-08-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

I've never been one to repeat myself. If you can't catch it the first time, well, too bad for you. I'm offended by being asked too many times to repeat myself. I do my part by enunciating and you do your part by listening. We all have our little issues and this is one of mine. And although I recognize that I am at the extreme of the spectrum, I've yet to meet someone who enjoys repeating themselves. This dislike of repeating has led, in part, to my failure to learn a second language and probably also the reason my hair isn't as clean as it could be (Lather, rinse, re-what, I don't think so). So you can imagine the trial my days have become because of the amount of repeating one must do with a two-year-old. Mind-numbing. Requests are rarely obeyed the first time they are uttered and in an effort to repeat myself fewer times I often resort to using a certain tone of voice that generally gets better results. But, I'm not stupid, I know that she will soon grow used to that tone of voice and I will need to change tactics once again. I've seen these mothers who repeat things endlessly in a sort of calm, patient tone that makes me wonder: Are they truly that patient or on drugs? When I use that voice, the "patient" one, it is the one that my mom and sisters have perfected, the one that masks the exasperation underneath. It is a desperate attempt not to reveal the frenzied state that this sort of constant demand on your patience creates. In short it is fake, really fake. But becoming a mother does not automatically reform all the personality traits one has, in fact it exacerbates them. So, I do the best I can and I strongly believe that Nora will be fine although I suspect she too will hate to repeat herself.

Ready, Set, Go

2006-08-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I bought airplane tickets yesterday!
I didn't really get a Phenomenal deal, but I have to accept that my anxiety about not having tickets a couple weeks before I travel is worth the hundred or so dollars of a ticket.
So, we leave Thursday morning, August 24 and return Sunday, August 27. It isn't a direct flight, but at least it only takes a few hours. I am figuring I'll be albe to knock off an Atlantic Monthly each way. Another one came yesterday!
I am almost halfway through June though...In fact I read the most interesting archived article about staying home with one's children. It was written in 1961, but feels deeply applicable to today. I want to discuss it a little more once I have thought about it some more.
Okay, it is vital that I take a shower this morning so I need to use my Sesame time for that.
Bye.

What have I been doing?

2006-08-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

I keep wondering what I could have possibly been doing lately that has prevented me for writing a blog entry. The simplest answer is that I have been doing nothing of note which warranted a post. Or that it had to do with work, which I can't blog about unless I want to get dooced. Or that it had to do with the in-laws, which I can't do because, well, I think that's pretty obvious. But in truth, I have spent all my Sesame Street time lately trying to catch up on my Atlantic Monthly magazines. I started about a month ago with January 2006 and just last night I finished May's issue. I've started on June and July/August is a double issue, so here's hoping I can finish before the next one comes. Of course meanwhile my New Yorkers are piling up...A losing battle. Unlike the Atlantic, I have no problem tossing a pile of New Yorkers though. Of course devoting yourself to six months of back issues of a long magazine means no reading gossip magazines or books, which is unfortunate. But SIX months! Desperate measures were in order.

Other projects that have kept me busy this Summer:

We finally got our wedding pictures developed! That required purchase of an album and putting it all together. Once I did that I realized that I needed to organize all my photos, so I have been sorting them and putting them into albums as well. As a strict Virgo, I had to really think about the absolute best way to organize them, strictly chronologically? by category? And what about my unfinished album of my childhood pictures? And the not-even-started-yet album of Nora's first (two) years? Yeah, that will keep me busy into the fall.

I have undertaken the viewing of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all seven seasons and 144 episodes. I had seen the odd episode here and there but knew I needed to watch it all beginning to end. Luckily my babysitter has the super deluxe collection and was willing to loan it to me. I am through to the end of season six. I like it. But, I'm not in love with it. I'm in love with Six Feet Under. Still, this takes up chunks and chunks of time.

Growing a baby. This requires more sleep, more peeing, and more eating. As well as appointments and rereading about the whole birth process. We are already halfway through the pregnancy. Unbelievable! We had an ultrasound last week, nothing too exciting since we didn't find out the sex. They didn't take any very flattering pictures either. But if anyone wants to see a leg bone or the bottom of a foot, that we have. The doctor tried to do a 3D of the face, but the baby wouldn't look up. Which is really fine with me because that is just too much information.

Planning the future. Looking at real estate on line and jobs, and schools, and everything else takes a lot of time. We are leaving for Portland on the 24th, we don't have tickets yet, but I'm hoping for one of those phenomenal Last Minute Deals. We are going sans Nora! I think both Alec and I have been holding out for this weekend for about two months. Four days away from the two-year old? Sign me up! Grandma Faye is going to be looking after her along with a cameo appearance by Jessica who has agreed to relieve Grandma for a 24 hour period. I'm afraid that 24 hours with Nora is going to have a kind of serious birth control effect on her. And as you know once you have kids, you want everyone you know to start having kids...What you didn't know that? Yes, we what everyone we know to get in the boat with us. I wouldn't say misery loves company, but some variation on that is applicable (without the misery part, maybe).

Uh oh, Oscar the grouch is telling slimy another Trash Gordon story which means I have about 3.2 seconds till the end of the magical hour. If she continues watching TV I am entering "Bad Parenting" territory. I'm already in "Questionable Parenting" land by letting the evil box babysit her for a measly hour.

She's big

2006-07-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

Nora
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I figure Nora is nearly grown now. I mean I look at her and I literally can't believe she is little girl. Sooner than I think she'll be a big girl, writing in her diary, hanging out with her friends; she'll have her own life, indepent of me. Weird.

So, ya know it's time to make a new person. One who smells divine and can't live without me. We're right on schedule. I'm 15 weeks pregnant, which means I will probably be able to feel the baby move in the next couple weeks. This time around everything is moving much faster. My bump is HUGE and I'm already in my maternity pants. I guess I don't have as much time to spend thinking about being pregnant as before. I often forget that I am, until I catch strangers looking at my belly trying to discern whether or not I am pregnant.

We've hired a midwife. Her name is Anna and she's great. We are doing a homebirth this time around. And now that I am comfortable with the idea I'm getting kinda excited. I mean, no packing a bag, all my food nearby, a big comfortable bed, no nail-biting car rides during transition, and since I labored almost the entire time at home with Nora, I figure it won't be all that different. Except I won't have to go anywhere and I'll have someone with me how knows how far along I am. By the way the baby is due the day after Christmas (so I'm thinking mid-January) abd we're not finding out the sex this time.

Family Portrait

2006-07-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

Family
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last week we went to a picnic/barbeque for Alec's best friend Christian. He was in town for a week so that he and the boys could go on their fishing trip. He lives in Portland and has just finished up his internship as a doctor. I don't know what the process is until you are a practicing doctor and what little knowledge I've gained from ER has exactly filled in the blanks. All I know is he works a lot and once in a while has 12 hours off. Anyway, we is working basically the entire month of August so we are postponing our trip until August.

Me and Nora on the Road

2006-06-27T16:14:00.000-07:00

Alec went on a well-deserved fishing trip this last weekend and rather than sit at home and think about how much extra work it is when there is only one parent. I took Nora on a road trip up to my sister's place in Big Sur. My motivation was partly due to the guilt I felt about going up there for the day with Alison and not telling anyone. But mostly I wanted help with Nora and as I've said before an 11 and 13 year old are the BEST companions for a two-year old. We had a pretty full weekend.

I took the day off on Friday, so we left at 11:00. It's about a four hour drive and she fell aspleep at about 12:00. She woke up not far from Big Sur at about 2:45 so it was a pretty easy drive, aside from the fact that I had to pee for about an hour and that I was starving but there was no way I was stopping while she was sleeping. Once we got to town, I called my friend Lori at Sierra Mar and although she was working I was told whe was out running errands, turns out I ran into her at the deli/post office. We met here about an hour later for a drink and some chips at the bar. It was so nice to catch up with her. Then I made plans to meet my friend Pam later that night. Then we headed over to my sister's and Nora enthusiastically played with her cousins while Steph and I made pizzas. Later, I went to Pam's and caught up with her while Nora was asleep.

On Saturday, we went for a nice walk at the park where my sister lives (Andrew Molera State Park) and saw the horses (please don't let Nora want a horse, please). Then we headed back for a nap (both Nora and I) and in the afternoon we again visited Pam and then met my nieces and brother in law at the Pool. Very fun. Except I had allergies all day and they got progressively worse as the day wore on. By 8 o'clock that evening I was absolutely ruined. The night was not much better. In the moring we had a late breakfast followed by a noon departure.

The drive back was great. Nora immediately took a nap and woke up about 2 and a half hours later when we stopped for lunch/dinner in San Luis Obispo. The last hour and a half were spent watching a pooh movie and singing songs till we arrived in the driveway at 5:30pm. On the whole a successful road trip.

Alec's trip was far better than ours, I assume. Mostly because he was without child. He says he missed us, which is sweet, but c'mon four days without your wife and two-year old daughter, that sounds like heaven itself. Add to that the fact that he was fishing and camping with all his good friends and I'm surprised he came home. He thanked me for letting him go and I naturally responded, "You deserved it and in another two and a half years you can go again."

7:23

2006-06-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

I have been up for more than an hour already. We are halfway through Sesame Street already and I haven't accomplished half of what I need to this morning. Of course, there are some major impediments. We are out of milk, which means no coffee for me this moring. We have no orange juice. I think there is one slice of bread left (is it wrong to give the heel to your kid because they don't know any better?), there is no peanut butter. Take all of these things into consideration and basically I should just head back to bed, right? Ah, those were the days....
I need to decide if I would prefer to bathe or read gofugyourself. Then I need to decide what the hell we are going to have for breakfast. Could my life be anymore mundane?

Imagine my surprise

2006-06-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

Nora with Bindy
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

When I peered over the sofa to see what form of torture Nora was inflicting on Bindy and instead found the following scene.
This is another reason why I'm glad we got two kittens, Ruby would NEVER give Nora this kind of love. Bindy on the other hand often seeks Nora out, why? I'm not sure because once Nora has ahold of her she looks at me with a sort of desperation like, "Why does this always happen to me."
More exciting news: Nora is potty-trained! At least during her waking hours. It is pretty sweet, I'm looking forward to no diapers for at least six months.

Still feel the same, but now we are plotting

2006-06-19T07:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm over feeling desperate at our situation. It is time for a plan and if there's one thing I'm good at it's planning.

The facts:
We cannot afford to live in Santa Barbara if we don't live in our current house.
We can barely afford to live in Santa Barbara if we continue to live where we do.
Living where we are, we are not building any equity and cannot save a dime.
Nora is only getting more and more expensive (daycare, pre-schools, etc.).
I feel powerless over my situation and that is never a good feeling.
There don't seem to be many job opportunities for me and even Alec's job has it's limitations.

The solution:
Move. Somewhere cheaper and more family-friendly (by that I mean we can afford to have a family).
Where?
I love California but I wouldn't want to live here if we can live near the ocean.
Cold winters are no longer an option.
Somewhere bigger, with more job options (and colleges).

We are going to Portland, OR in the next month to scope it out...

SPOILER!

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I'm pregnant.

Break Down

2006-06-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

This weekend I sort of had a breakdown. I realized that I don't think we can stay in Santa Barbara long-term. And if we can't stay here long-term, why stay short-term? What precipitated this realization? A bank account with about $95 in it and a week until payday. Faye asking for a portion of utilities for the past four months. Interviewing at a Montessori school that would be perfect for Nora if it weren't for the tuition, approximately $800-1200 a month (for only nine months). In short, we're not making it here financially and I don't really see how we will be able to in the future, because there aren't really all that many good jobs. I think the number one occupation here is trust fund recipient. Another issue I have is the lack of people like us. You see, with median home prices at 1.2 million dollars there aren't a lot of young families. Call me a snob, but, I don't want to be friends with anyone who can afford a million dollar two-bedroom house. So, now what? We've spent nearly two years in various shitty situations waiting to live in this house and now here we are and, and, AND?!!!

The other part of this is the fact that we live in the shadow of gratitude towards Victor and Faye 24/7. They have done a lot (and I mean a LOT) for us the past two years. And we are grateful, but we'll never be grateful enough, in my opinion. We are sort of at an impasse because we (I) feel like although they are renting the house to us at a substantial discount from the market value it is still more than what we can afford. So it is difficult to continue to feel appropriately grateful when we're still struggling to make ends meet. I've never been all that good at accepting assistance (especially monetary) because there are ALWAYS strings attached. I thought that to live here I would be willing to put up with it, but I find myself thinking, "Is this really worth it?" And once you ask that question once, it sort of starts to creep into your thoughts more and more and more. Until you are forced to answer the question and I'm on the road to "No, it isn't worth it." So, now what?

I swore I wouldn't

2006-06-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

EVER allow Barney to be viewed in my house, or Teletubbies. Alas, my resolve has weakened and she is watching that Purple montrosity as I write this.
There are a lot of things you think you'll do or not do before you have children and reality of having them changes things. Everyone knows that having kids changes your life, this is not news. But the extent of the changes are something that you can only know by doing.

I've been trying to figure out why I haven't felt like writing much, at least not consistently. And I think it is because I can't really be honest anymore. Let me clarify: certain people know of this website and I dont feel I can discuss my real feelings without a dooce-like fallout. For instance, PRIVACY is a big deal thing for us right now. Specifics? Can't really get into it without worrying about what the consequences will be. So I am thinking about how to resolve this issue. In the meantime I will continue to comment on the weather.

The sun is shining

2006-05-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

Santa Barbara has this weird weather thing called "June Gloom" or "May Gray" depending on when it occurs, basically it means that we live in the equivilent of Portland, OR for about a month or so. It has been the last 3 or 4 weeks and it sucks. But now, the sun is out and I LOVE it. I realize that having the sun shine makes people happy, this is something that I know but I am always reminded of the truth of it at this time of year.

Other really important things that have happened/are happening:

Nora's room is done. We painted all weekend and the carpet went in on Monday. It looks great and I promise to take pictures soon.

There are no more workmen around anymore. I love the privacy.

Alison is coming for the weekend!!!! I have a million things planned and just found out that it is I Madonnari , my absolute favorite festival in Santa Barbara! I hope she has the stamina to keep up with my hectic schedule!

More info on the kitties

2006-05-10T16:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, they are doing great.
Their names are Bindy(i)? and Ruby. One is named Bindy (haven't nailed down the spelling yet) because she has an orange spot on her forehead. The other one is called Ruby because I picked it and I like it.
I am so glad that we got two, they play and sleep and entertain each other. I give them toys and they are totally oblivious, they'd prefer to chase each other and wrestle. They also love to lay on me or Alec, but not Nora.
I underestimated how much Nora would Love them. She cannot keep her hands off them. And Alec and I spend much of our day telling her to leave them the fuck alone. But then again how can you blame her they are so damn cute. Anyway, the sooner they learn to fend for themselves, the better. I never knew toddlers were such rough giants. I think this is what parents must feel when they bring a new baby home and there orge of a 2 year old wants to hold them.

Final Inspection?

2006-05-04T16:38:00.000-07:00

PASSED

The Kitties

2006-05-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

The Kitties
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We got two kitties on Saturday. Nora is is heaven. I have a pretty severe cold/sinus infectiony thing, so I'm enjoying it through a haze. More later....

One of those days

2006-04-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today sucks, so far.
Nora will not listen to me. Nora WILL not listen to me. NORA will not listen to me. Nora will NOT listen to me. Nora will not LISTEN to me. Nora will not listen to ME. If you think it was exhaustive to read that repeated line, imagine saying and everything else I've said today about fourteen times. I AM SICK OF REPEATING MYSELF.
She also torn the binding on a small pooh bear book that I miraculously found at a yard sale last month. It was a set of four that are exactly like the ones I had when I was little. When I saw the torn book I was way too upset. I had to leave the room. We are taking away all her books tonight, because this isn't the first (or second or third or fourth or fifth) time she's done it.
I haven't had a day like today in long time. One where people tell you how cute your kid is and you just want to laugh in their face and list all of the annoying things they've done in the past hour, and how it's enough to push you over the edge.
Thank goodness I am leaving for work in an hour and a half.

Beach Baby

2006-04-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

Spinning 2
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last night we had a photo shoot at the beach with my friend Kelly. I met Kelly in the fall when I spent about 4 hours at Kinko's printing and trimming photos of our trip to Europe for a photo album. She came in and was trimming these absolutely gorgeous photos. I asked her about her photos and she told me she was a Brooks student (Brooks is a well-known photography school here in town). After a little while I asked her if she might know of anyone who would be willing to look at my wedding pictures (negatives really) and print out whatever ones looked good. She said she would be willing to do that. So, while she's been working on scanning about 85 pictures into her computer and cleaning them up with photoshop, she started taking a portrait class at school. Therefore she needed models for her class. I posed for a bridal portrait both outside and at a studio. We did a family portrait and she did a portrait of Nora, and this time she needed a set of siblings. She took pictures of Nora and her cousins etc. In return she is giving us a few prints and we can buy additional prints too. It's great because we've never done a full on portrait sitting as a family or even for Nora alone.
The girls go home today and I will certainly miss them, they are such helpful, nice girls. Nora will surely miss them as well.

I regret to inform you that there has been another poop incident

2006-04-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

I didn't take pictures this time, but you can use your imaginations, oh wait, you don't need your imaginations, just refer to the earlier pictures. Main differences this time: It wasn't on her face, it wasn't all over the wall, just part of the wall, it wasn't all over the crib, just on part of it, Alec had already left for work lucky dog. This time I made Nora sit in time-out/naughty seat for nearly ten minutes. Also my poor nieces got an up-close look at what having a child can be like. One is adopting an older child, the other is an eternal optimist. Me, I can not figure out why she is doing this, furthermore I can not figure out HOW TO MAKE HER STOP. Today I am taking away her priveledges, like a two-year-old knows what that means, no Pooh, Piglet, or Roo. No playing with make-up, no jelly beans. I have no idea if this will work, like most parenting it's learn as you go.

Look Ma, I'm a Pro

2006-04-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

Easter Family Portrait
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I've finally become a Flickr Pro. Are you happy now, Ali?
This picture is from yesterday, Easter. We had a nice time. My sister came down with her two girls, Morgan and Samantha. And then she drove home without them. That's right, I have three girls for the next few days. If I had These threee girls my life would be pretty darn sweet. Nora loves them and they are so nice. Also they're pretty much raised, so they can help out with Nora, it's pretty wonderful to have someone else (really two sommeone elses) to tell her she can't put her feet up on the table or go outside barefooted. And the weather is finally clearing up. I don't know if I've whined enough about the dreary days of rain we've been enduring, but let me assure you they were Awful. Today we are going to the beach and tomorrow we're going to a photo shoot, my fourth and Nora's second....more on that later.
Here's hoping for a week of sun and house construction leading to finishing the damn place!

Taxes

2006-04-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

This year we actually paid a real accountant to do our taxes. Incidentally, this is also the first year I haven't gotten a big fat return, you know, the one that you spend months planning what you are going to spend it on and when it finally arrives you realize you've spend it about fourteen times over. Well, this year because of Alec working as a self-employed man for 10 months we were supposed to withhold taxes ourselves, yeah right. Now I finally understand why people put off taxes until the last minute. Thankfully we've put enough away (not paying rent during construction) to just cover it. But not the accountant's fee. Somehow things always end up working out though. Right? I guess I have finally come to the realization that we will never have enough money. I used to think that once I was done with college (all of it) I would be in my Career and be pulling in some big money. Nope.
Then again, we are very lucky with what we do have. And besides my store/cafe is going to be a huge success.

No More

2006-04-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend we watched the last episode of the last season of Six Feet Under. I know that we are oh, about a year behind the rest of the world (or at least those that have HBO) but WOW. That show was so amazing. The characters are so finely drawn and acutely realized that you feel like these people are your friends. I think about them at work and in the evenings and well, all the time. I got my co-worker hooked but she is about 2 seasons behind me so I couldn't talk to her about the last season. Which was akin to knowing a huge secret about someone and being unable to tell a mutual friend.
But most overwhelming is the sadness. No more anticipation, no more stories. Just like when you finish a really good book and you miss the characters, but also miss the time you spent with them. So you pass the book onto your real friends and try to recapture some of the feeling by thier enjoyment. So anyone how hasn't had a chance to be enthralled, join netflix and start watching, Right Now!

This is how the shitty day ended

2006-04-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Balcony from our hotel room
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We went to San Diego and stayed at a nice hotel. This is the balcony and Nora loved it. So did Alec and I. We had a slendid little time.

Friday
Arrive at 6:30 PM (traffic in LA sucks)
Walk the Gaslamp district and have dinner at a nice litte Indian restaurant
Fall asleep in the king bed at about 9:30

Saturday
Nora wakes up at 4 am, we put her in our bed where we all fitfully sleep for about 2 hours
Coffee and warm milk
Walk to a great cafe called Cafe 222 So good we swear we'll be back the next day, eventhough I really wanted to get expensive room service.
Head to the San Diego Zoo, here after know to me as "the best zoo in the whole entire world"
Nora sleeps for about an hour in her stroller, during which we see her favorite animal, giraffes. She wake up somewhere around the polar bears, which are incidentally my favorite, along with the ducklings.
We see the pandas, a tiger taking a shit, and ride the "skyfari"
Leave the park at around 4pm stopping to get Jack in the Box and a Jamba juice for the little one.
Back at the hotel we lay around watching punk'd for an hour and a half and then drag ourselves out of bed to find a West Elm store.
End up at the Container Store, also know as heaven. Eventually we find West Elm, attempt to buy stuff, they are out. We head back to the hotel, get some dinner from the restaurant in the lobby and lay in bed until Nora falls asleep (9:30)

Sunday
Up at 7:00 (really 6:00) and get ready to go to Cafe 222, where I curse the fact that I can't stay here a week to try every thing on the menu.
Back to the hotel to swim in the pool. So fun. I swear I will start swimming laps at the University pool.
Shower, change, and check out.
Go to Ikea, 10 minutes before we get there Nora falls asleep so I go solo.
Then we drive home (LA traffic sucks)

It might not sound like it was all that fun, but it really, really was. I never had weekend getaways when I was little so this was as much for me as for Nora. One of the best things about having kids is you can recapture some of the things you missed when you were little. Seeing the excitement and joy on there face IS to experience that same excitement and joy.
In the end the shitty days are outnumbered by these sorts of days. I hope.

Shit Happens

2006-03-31T11:14:00.000-08:00

Shit Happens
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Literally.
Don't have children or your walls too, could look like this. It's too late for us, but the rest of you? Yes, there is still time to save yourselves from a six AM shit-cleaning session.
We planned a trip to the San Diego zoo this weekend, but why go when we have our own feces-throwing primate in the next room? Well, it's too late to cancel our hotel reservations. But, suffice it to say that if we have another "incident" like this one, someone is going to be abandoned on the side of the road. More evidenciary photos on flickr.

Waking hours

2006-03-23T07:26:00.000-08:00

Some days, not today, but some days I wake up thinking, "No thanks, not today."

I wish I didn't have to immediately shift into parenting gear. I think about the hours ahead spent telling a tiny person, "No" repeatedly. Answering endless, repetetive requests. Trying my best to supress the natual response of "Stop fucking asking me for things." And instead calmly telling her for the forty seventh time why she can't have another vitamin today. Without fail she responds, "More vittie, please?" I've taken to ignoring such questions after the third request. But the sheer amount of asking wears very, very thin.

It starts the moment you get her from her crib, where she has spent the entire night dreaming up requests; her early waking hours are spent formulating those requests into coherent questions. When I finally enter her room they fall out of her mouth in a steady, hurried stream.
Where daddy, warm milk, watch tv, watch winnie pooh, please.
Biddie, watch tv, vittie, warm milk, peanut toast butter, please.
Upstairs, jump trampoline, yogurt, go, watch winnie pooh, please.

And so our day begins.

Tile Sample

2006-03-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

Tile Sample
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We like the bottom color range. Though expensive, I think I have to have it. And by expensive I mean, "Who the hell do we think we are that we can afford this kind of tile?" Still, the heart wants what it wants. There are some more pictures of the house on my flickr site, finally

Still here

2006-03-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

Mommy & Me
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

We've misplaced our camera. Alec thinks I did something with it, when needless to say it was actually him that left somewhere. Consequently, we've not been taking photos. But now we've unearthed our old camera, clunky and slow, and with a pitfully small screen. I was always wondering why we kept it.
This weekend was so beautiful. We went to the beach on Saturday morning and laid on the lawn chairs in the yard on Sunday morning. I think it was more beautiful than normal because rain was predicted. Today is gray (grey?). But that is fine because I made chicken mulligatawny soup on Saturday (in expectation of rain) and it turned out really good. Nora even ate some. She loves milk and curry, which makes me proud to call her my daughter. Other similarities: she wants "peanut toast butter" every moring. Mac and cheese makes her screach with excitedness. The people at the smootie shop begin our smoothies before we order them. When we're at a store, she touches the clothes on the rack and says, "Ohh, nice." And finally, when she hasn't eaten in a while, she is a bitch. And we all wonder how we turn out like our mothers?!

The Big Idea

2006-03-16T06:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, I had to stretch out my news on account of not having posted, for evor.

I love to shop and to decorate and to eat good food.

So, I want to open a shop that has baby and kid stuff. But cool stuff, stuff you don't find just anywhere. Things made by hand by local people (think custom diaper bags) and cool furniture that doesn't look like it came from Babies r Us (think modern, or maybe custom designed by Alec) and of course the coolest books, toys, and other necessities. But that's not all. What about a place to eat there too! A place that has something healthy and tasty for you, moms and dads, and something healthy and good for kids too (think fruit skewers and oatmeal waffles or hummus and veggies). A place where children can have their own tables and chairs and play area so that you might be able to talk with other adults while enjoying a meal, imagine the possibilities?

Not only would this place provide a place for parents (but primarily mothers) to socialize and buy cool stuff, but I see it as a place for mothers to discuss the issues that effects them, speakers and topics that will start a discourse and unite them.

Well, that is sorta it, for now. I'm starting to read about opening one's own business and what all research etc. one must do. I think this would be happening in a year or two. But I am excited to think and plan and think and plan. In other words, not so bored anymore.

I was bored

2006-03-15T06:56:00.000-08:00

I've been bored lately. Why? I don't really know. The weather? No, I actually like rain. I guess it's partly because now we are in the house and there isn't anything to work on, think about, plan for, ya know? I feel this kind of general unease that always erupts when I don't have enough to do. I suppose we all need something to look forward to, something to plan for, must be human nature, or at least my nature.

Last night I went to the last meeting of a graduate class that I started in January. I was auditing it. It was taught by an old teacher, whom I idolized. She is that kind of smart that makes you grimace while you listen to her, teetering on the brink of understanding her, wanting to stretch your own mind to at least meet her halfway. My brian used to hurt after class (when I was an undergrad), but my post-pregnancy brain? It is just not as eager to stretch as it used to be. The class was called "Trauma Narratives" and her area of special interest is the Holocaust, so our interests match. The class looked at some critical essays and some duh, narratives. But, I just couldn't get into it. About two weeks ago, we were talking about Jean Amery's essay "On Torture", an essay that I had found I could access through a personal experience. He talks about, among other things, how torture places one completely in their coporeal being and that thought is pretty much absent. I remember labor and delivery, the first time I was ever completely in my own body. Obviously, the essay talks about more than that, but the body bit, that I got. I was terrified to express my pedestrian understanding of the essay but I did, and everyone politely disregarded me. Fair enough. But at that moment I realized that I do not want to be in academia. I just cannot ignore personal understandings of others work. Access. This is huge for me. I always thought that while I wasn't actively pursing it, eventually I would find my way there. Nope.

So, I started thinking about what I do like to do and what I am good at. And you know, it wan't hard for me to formulate what that was and what I could do. And I'm really excited!

Vomit and other reminders I'm a parent

2006-02-28T06:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was rainy, really rainy. I love rainy days, possibly because I don't live where it rains all the time. Rainy days here mean a reason to get on your rubber boots and go out for hot chocolate at an expensive bakery. Which is what I wanted to take Nora to do yesterday. It will never be up to LA Burdicks, but it'll do. They made her this cute little warm chocolate in an espresso cup and I also got us a croissant, perfect right? Nope. She wouldn't even taste the fucking hot chocolate. Once again I was learning the number one thing you learn from your child: fuck you and your expectations. Otherwise known as: Why do you always spoil everything? Well, I learned pretty well as she sat on my lap quietly and I congratulated myself on raising such a civilized two-year old. "So behaved," I thought "that I can take her out to a restaurant for hot chocolate." And in this self-congratulatory reverie I broke parenting rule number two: Just when you think you have them figured out, no you really, really don't. This was apparent on the drive home, when she began vomiting. I pulled over and and and just kind of held a towel under her as she retched. I took her out of her seat, don't ask me why. I guess I though she could throw-up in the gutter like other children. Instead she just stood there shaking and leaning her sticky smelly body against mine. When she seemed done. I had to put her back into her putrid carseat, complete with wet belts and buckles. Gross. I was dryheaving myself from the smell. Inside of ten minutes my vision of a nice hot chocolate had somehow morphed into trying to get home without calling my husband to come help me deal with my vomiting toddler. We did make it home. Though because of the rain I had to drive home with the windows up, yum. Here's hoping today is better, just to be safe we're having our hot chocolate here at home. And instead of hot chocolate it'll be tepid water and dry toast.

Birthday

2006-02-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

Birthday
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Nora's birthday was exactly one week ago. We had a great big party and it was a beautiful day. The house functioned perfectly. It is so nice to be in our own house. And a little surreal too. Things are slowly finding homes in this great big place and I acquired a new credit card in order to increase my furniture buying potential. So far I've ordered two barstools and just moments ago a new leaning bookcase system with a desk. I can't wait to unpack at least a few of my books and knick knacks.
My mom was here for a few days and the weather was unbelievable, 80's. But as of yesterday winter, California Style, has set in. Rainy and cold, I swear yesterday it must have been in the 40's, no lie.
Today the sun is out and things are drying out a bit. I'm trying to sort out all of Nora's outgrown stuff; she has a shit load of stuff. I can't bear to part with the item that I remember her wearing, because what if we have another child and that child is a girl? I can't possibly let these lovely items out of my possession if there is even the slightest possibility I might use them again. I'm beginning to understand how hoarders and clutterbugs operate.

Meera Love Lee

2006-02-09T16:52:00.000-08:00

The Quintessential Simmons Student!

See Meera Heera

Exhausted? Check

2006-02-09T07:40:00.000-08:00

This is what our living area looked like a couple of days ago, when I still had the energy to care and pick up a few things.

This is what it looks like this morning. I should probably fold the clothes, you know the "white" with the sweatstains that make you feel like you've not washed them. The ones I will definately soak in Oxyclean next time.

Finding a home for all the crap I've spent my money on the last ten years, not happening. Things aren't finished enough to put away into a permanent home, so why expend the energy to find temporary homes? Oh right, because my daughter's second birthday is in two days and I have invited an obscene amount of people. Instead I'd rather spend hours trying to figure out how to download free episodes of the second season of Veronica Mars (any help would be appreciated). Or spend another hundred dollars at Target on, ummm, what exactly did I get there? Okay, I need a plan and an army of helpers. Except then I would have to deligate, and who is going to want to touch those white?

P.S. I've finally uploaded some pics on Flickr, but I'm bandwith-shy this month and paralyzed with indecision about which pictures actually warrant flickrizing.

Perhaps

2006-02-01T19:26:00.000-08:00

This blog should be called "Me and Nora and the New House".
I've realized that I only think about posting when there is something to report about the house progress and when there isn't any news or pictures I try to come up with something to say to tide over till the next big house happening. Here is what I keep forgetting: No One Fucking Cares. I pride myself on not going on and on about my daughter, when really I've substituted the house for my child. People rarely ask me how Nora is is, mostly I get a "so how's the house coming" to which I reply, "Oh you know, it's a lot of work, but we're getting there." or "The cabinets should get here tomorrow" or "Trimming out the doors really makes a difference". Seriously? The ONLY people who care about this shit is people who have or are remodelling or building a house. Everyone else, not so much.

So Everyone else, we're moving at the end of the week and I think we might have a bit less house-related blogging as a consequence. Which begs the question, what the hell am I going to blog about?

Approach

2006-01-27T07:11:00.000-08:00

I've run out of bandwith on Flickr.
I've uploaded this pic directly from my computer. I can't decide if I should become a flickr pro. Any suggestions?

Today, Nora and I are going over to our friend's house. Consisting of Nancy, her son Marc, and her daughter Betsy. I met her through work. Her husband works in my department and they moved here in July from Pasadena. I'm not sure what possessed me to call her first. I just had a feeling. Turns out I was right. She is an intelligent, funny, thoughtful, and easy to be with. Her kids are great too. Marc is a few months older than Nora, but they get along really pretty well, expecially considering that Nora is a hitter, and we expect Marc to share all his toys with her when we visit. Besty is about the sweetest little baby ever. She is eight months old and Nora LOVES her. Have I mentioned Nora's pre-occupation with dollies and babies? Dolls are great, but real live babies? what could be better.

Well, I better get off my duff, because the cleaning lady is coming in half and hour and I need to pick up before she gets here.

Found

2006-01-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

I found this photo on Edith's Flickr site and thought I'd steal it because it is a pretty cool picture containing all the nescessary pieces. Do I look human, check. Nora not crying, check. Interesting perspective, check. Cool lighting, check.

I don't have a lot to report this week. I am dropping back into that feeling of overwhelmingness. Technically we've supposed to be moving into the new house next week. The first in fact. But, I can't quite imagine that happening with things the way they are right now. I am finding it hard to get the energy together to accomplish little things in the evening. And my decision making is beginning to falter. I was a Macy's today, where I needed to spend $100 in order to get a free panini press (or maybe it is like 29.99, basically free) and I couldn't decide which towels to buy. AND I had already scoped out the selection on Tuesday, seriously what is the matter with me? In the end I didn't get any towels, instead I bought to outrageously expensive (but hugely on sale) shams to match my CK bedding. When I got to the desk they were out of the panini press (the whole point of the outing) but they managed to get one from a different store. So on a scale of successful shopping 1-10, I'd give it about a 6.

Please and Thank you

2006-01-18T15:55:00.000-08:00

Today was playgroup.
I meet with my friend Nancy beforehand to caffinate and then we head off for 2 1/2 hours of wall-to-wall toddlers. I don't love playgroup, but Nora does, so I do it for her. And to break up the mind-numbing amount of hours I have to entertain her. The "class" she's in now is for 2-3 year olds. I've noticed a change in the parents this class. The kids are beginning to be enrolled in activities.
One mother said, "I can't do Thursday because we have Spanish in the morning and ballet and piano in the afternoon."
I can only assume she was talking about the 3-year-old Tilley and not the baby. Weird. I can feel the competition starting, or maybe just changing. Because now it isn't about things we can't control, like growing, walking, or talking but things we can control like learning Spanish and ballet and piano.
Most poignent of all was during snack time when one of the other mothers was crouched down amongst all the toddler and Nora turned to her and said, "More water please." With not only shock, but actual horror the mother looked first at Nora and then at me. Her look clearly said, "How dare your child do something mine can't." Worse yet, after she poured the water Nora said "Thank you."

I might not permanently injure the KD

2006-01-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

Kitchen
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

KD stands for Kitchen Designer in building lingo. She pulled a few strings to get us our cabinets by Friday. We were supposed to get them on Monday, then on Wednesday (well, if you'd like to know the truth we were supposed to get them on Dec 23rd.). But, there was a big storm in Canada (where they are made) and so the truck rolled into LA on Thursday and we had to beg to get them delivered on Friday around 5:30pm. It was one of the best days of the building for me. Right up there with finally breaking ground. I think it's because once the kitchen is in, I'm ready to move in.
So when is this thing going to be finished? The short answer is never. The longish answer is as follows:
The counters will be measured for on Wednesday, should take three weeks from then.
We ordered a diswasher and a micowave/hood on Saturday, should be two weeks.
Carpet just arrived at the installers yesterday, the one for Nora's room is wrong. But hopefully we can install the rest next week.
Electrician is coming this weekend to install sconces in hall, bathrooms, and chandelier in dining room.
Contractor should be coming today until Friday to finish up some stuff. He should be busting through to the studio and installing a pocket door there. Putting in the front door.
Alec should finish the cabbinets this week/weekend.
Interior doors should be here next week, and we still have to find someone to put them in.
Exterior painting is expensive so we need to get another quote.
Finishing the deck and railing, probably Victor and Alec.
Trimming out ALL the doors and windows and the base board...poor Alec.
That's all I can think of right now.

More Finished

2006-01-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

JEG Vanity
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

So, the bathrooms are essentially finished. That means that no one else is going to be coming out here to work on them. As you can see, my bathroom still needs a mirror and some shelves under the counter here, and the paint touched up, and a tp holder, and a towel bar, and, and, and. You see why it is somenights so overwhelming that I just curl up and watch episodes of Veronica Mars all night.
But, we have started bring over shit from storage. The idea was to just bring everything and put it into the closet until we have time to go through it. But, somehow that didn't stop us from going through the boxes at storage while Nora played in dust, rat shit, and eventually climbed around the front seat of the car. I'm sure you can see this coming right? She locked herself in the car. Faye and the neighbor started to panic, but Alec and I were pretty confident in Nora's ability to understand us and to grab a little thingie and pull it up. The problem: Nora loves to play in the car and screams bloody murder at the end of such sessions. So, we worried she wouldn't want to let us in. Turns out, she unlocked the door within 2 minutes and then got totally pissed that we wanted to get in the car too.
I guess next time we should just go grab a cup of coffee.

I was actually going to post something...

2006-01-12T16:28:00.000-08:00

but then I got distracted by this "blog of note"!!
http://twochineseboys.blogspot.com/

I highly encourage you to get over there right now and watch "bu de bu ai".

Also, I am planning on watching all the rest when get home tonight.

Over-Hearing

2006-01-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, in the car on the way to work I was listening to NPR and they were airing the Alito hearing. I'm not hugely interested in this laborious process, but somehow I got a little caught up in it. The best part was when Diane Fienstein, "Democrat, California" started asking questions. Yeah, I thought let's see if my state can bring it. Never mind the fact that she isn't actually my senator, that'd be Barbara Boxer, but I couldn't help but claim her just a little, because she was so condescending and bitchy. She would ask awesome hypothetical questions and when Alito would not answer it by saying things like, "well I can only speak in terms of actual cases..." she'd say, "That isn't my question." and "I don't think you understand what it is I'm asking you." At one point he actually appologized. I think what I like the most was the similarity it bore to a typical retail transaction. Senator Feinstein is the good consumer, trying to buy a dining room chair and Alito is the sales associate who enjoys with-holding information because he can, or maybe he's just stupid. It plays out in the following way:

West Elm (Third Street Promenade, Santa Monica), busy and full of twenty-somethings sales people with headphones.

Consumer: Hi, I'd like to know the availability of this dining chair right here.
Sales Associate: That one? Which color?
C: Blue, but online it looks like you don't have blue, so I guess brown.
SA: Yeah, we are soldout of the blue, how many of the brown do you want?
C: How many do you have?
SA: How many do you want?
C: Well, that depends on how many you have...Ideally I'd like six blue chairs, but we'd only need 1 chair to take home and see if it works with our table.
SA: So, how many do you want?
C: Could you just check?
SA Makes loud and annoying call for a stock check
20 minutes later
SA: We don't have six. And this line is discontinued, we'll be getting our Spring line in two weeks.
C: I don't think you understand my question, "Is there any chair that we can take home today?"
SA: We can order them for you.

Retail Therapy

2006-01-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

My lamp
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I bought this lamp on Friday and now I feel much, much better. I also did some painting and Alec did base-boards so things are starting to look more finished. Yeah!
Anyway, I love this lamp. I'm going to focus on that for awhile.

I'm sick

2006-01-05T16:47:00.000-08:00

and tired.
I think that is why I haven't been writing.
I feel crappy. I have a cold (okay that is only for the past two days). But I just want things to stop dragging on. I am tired of whining about the same ole stuff. I bore myself.

Nora:I love you but I need a fucking break.
While I'm at work I can't wait to get home and see her, once I'm home it takes 10 minutes before I'm fantasizing about bedtime...hers and mine. I feel drained of everything from money and time to patience and intelligence.

House:I love you but your not mine. And so all the work, sweat, and money I put into you ultimately make me feel cheated. I look around you and see beautiful things, but I also see all the compromises, the overrulings, and I'm afraid I'll never feel really at home.

Friends: I love you all, but stop living so fucking far away. I want to see you whenever I want or at least be in the same time zone.

Wah, fucking wah

Evenings with The Goffin/Schumachers

2006-01-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

Peek into ABS bathroom
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Last night I painted and Alec and his dad laid subflooring and bamboo flooring. Really no different from any number of night from the last few months.
We're moving along, blah, blah, blah.
It'll be done before we know it, blah, blah, blah, except I'm pretty sure I'll know when it is done.
I've uploaded some pictures of the unexciting adventures of house construction. It's one of those things that is only interseting to the people involved and maybe close friends and family.
Nora is coming along nicely, I swear she learns fifty new words a day. She is nearly two though, and whining and screaming in the middle of Restoration Hardware is quite common.
Sesame Street is over and so is my alloted blogging time. Bye.

Living Room, sorta

2005-12-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

Living Room, sorta
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

For Christmas I got a sofa, a rug, and a rocker.
Alec and his dad finished the floor on Friday and on Saturday we went to Donze, where all our furniture and other crap is stored. More than anything, I wanted my sofa. So we somehow muscled it up onto Vic's subaru roofrack, tied it down to within an inch of it's life and drove 15 mph with the hazards on. Where there is a will there is a way. We sit over there for a few hours a day and dream about living there someday.
I really want our kitchen cupboards to come in though. They were supposed to be in on December 23, but sur-fucking-prise they are now due on January 9. I hate that (insert derogotary term) woman from the design store. Anyway, the progress is continuing.
Today, Nora and I are going to join the hordes of post-Christmas shoppers, she needs to be trained from early on to keep up...
FYI, no christmas cards were sent out this week. But if your reading this blog, you already know what is going on with me and have seen pictures of us anyway, right?

Beleaguered

2005-12-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

Paint colors
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I'm so sick of this.
I want to live here, instead of work here.
Soon.
We've been saying that for a year
and a half.
February 1st now NO MATTER WHAT.
That was Nora's due date.

Painting Walls

2005-12-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

I spent most of the weekend painting walls and ceilings. It is like nothing I've ever felt before. I mean, duh, of course I've painted walls and ceilings before. Anyone who has seen our apartments will know that I paint. But those were pre-existing walls, walls that had seen other inhabitants, other lives. I painted them to make them mine, not theirs. But these new walls...they've been mine since before they were born. Their placement, their construction, have all been in the service of my family. Painting the ceiling detail that Vic knew in his head and we all went along with, knowing that I'll be starring at that ceiling for a long time, well. So, I am enjoying every blister, every dollop of paint in my hair, on my face, and all over my clothes. This is going to be my "for real" house. Holy Shit.

Make up test

2005-12-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

There is a chance to redeem yourself if you did poorly on my quiz. The link is to the right and down.

Ceiling detail

2005-12-02T07:39:00.000-08:00

Ceiling detail
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

This is the living room ceiling. I couldn't really picture it when it was in its early stages, but wow, I love it now. The drywalling is completely finished, except that they left the scaffolding behind so that we could use it to paint this ceiling. I still need to buy the paint, maybe today. Except that it is raining and doing with errands with a toddler is hard enough without rain.
Things really are coming along though, I've been priming for all I'm worth. Anytime now we can put in the flooring and and and....
Nora is feeling better, except I noticed that she has a rash all over her back, but I can't think of anything different she has eaten. She is just so big, I honestly can't beleive it. She still has the body of a toddler, but every once and a while I get a glimpse of her girl body, in her movements and facial expressions. And her taste in bad tv is coming along nicely, well she is my daughter. She has her Little Einsteins and I have my Breaking Bonaduce.

Fevered

2005-11-30T07:29:00.000-08:00

Nora has a fever. It all started on Monday; she woke up from her nap with a fever.
That evening, she resembled a warm cookie. She was lethargic and quiet, I know I should feel bad for her and I do, but it is damn nice to have your toddler be cuddly. She is normally going warp-speed from 6:00 am until 7:00 pm, with a brief break from 11:00 until 1:00. So, watching TV with her sitting on my lap for an hour is a real treat. Yesterday, she seemed better in the morning and we even went to play with Marc and Betsy, but by the time I got home from work, she was feverish again. This morning she seems okay. Here's the thing, I'm not all that concerned about her fever. I mean, you know it happens and what is the pediatrician going to tell us that we don't already know? Give her some tylenol and wait it out, unless it gets dangerously high, of course. But, I am not behaving as most first-time moms. Nonetheless, I do feel confident in my instincts that she is going to be fine. I think.

Building a house is hard

2005-11-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

Especially when there are four people involved and I am used to getting my own way.
Every decision has to be run through the committee, consisting of Vic, Faye, Alec, and me. Doing anything by committee is hard enough, but building a house on your in-laws property, which they ultimately own is even more hairy. The last few days we have been knee-deep in tile negotiations. After a lengthy review process though, I am happy to report that my bathroom is going to fucking rock! It will have a spa-like feel with 5/8 inch glass mosaic tiles from Walker Zanger. They are so pretty, they look like beach glass with the same matte finish. After "we" decided to use them I felt the kind of elation that was last felt when I finally got a pair of guess jeans in sixth grade.
We won't be in the new house by Thanksgiving as hoped. I mean we'll be in there, priming, painting, etc. But we won't be living there. Maybe we'll be in there by Christmas, but I don't think I've been THAT good this year.

Selfishness, Thy name is daycare

2005-11-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

Tea with Bear
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I took Nora to Daycare today, at 8:20 am. She went on Monday at 11:00 and on Tuesday at 12:00. She isn't feeling all that great (a cold most likely contracted on Monday or Tuesday), so she isn't all that much fun to be around. Our normal morning routine is 7:00-8:00 Sesame Street, while I bathe and drink coffee while listening to NPR. 8:00-9:00 Breakfast and getting dressed. Around 9:00 we usually have something to do: visit a pre-school (Mon), go to playgroup (Tue), look at tile/doors/hardware/bathroom fixtures (Wed), or go to Trader Joe's (Thur), but today there was nothing on the agenda, except that I wanted to be alone to putter. So I packed up sniffles and hauled her off to daycare promptly at 8:15, without breakfast and with just enough Pedicare to get her through the morning. As soon as she saw where we were, she clung to my neck and pointed back towards the car. She cried when I left her and I felt pretty shitty. I've spent my Nora-free, guilty morning on the computer backing up all the photos onto a disk and picking up a little. It feels weird to be home alone.

Tea Time

2005-11-16T07:58:00.000-08:00

Tea Time
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Nora loves to pretend to eat at her little table. She spends lots of time lunching with bear. So much time, in fact that I had to move her table closer to a TV, so that I could enjoy my day as well.
This week, Nora has gone to a daycare twice. I think she likes it, but I hate leaving her with a stranger and a strange bunch of kids. Also, she seems sick today. She has a runny nose. She is really good at blowing her nose but hasn't quite gotten the wiping part of that. The blowing part seems great when you are the one holding the tissue, wiping and throwing it away. However, it is less charming when she finds an old tissue in trash holds it up to her nose and blows for all she's worth. Then without the wiping she just has a face for of blown out snot, dripping and waiting, gross.

Not one of the pictures

2005-11-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

Pumpkin Patch
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

I uploaded twice. Maybe being a mom does make you stupider.

Back by Popular Demand

2005-11-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

At Grandma's House
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

Pictures of my offspring.
This is outside my Mom's house in Rice Lake.
Nora is not only cute as the dickens (or is it cute as a dickens? what dickens? one of Dicken's characters?) she is also one odd little ball. She pulls the covers completely over her head to sleep. When we come in her room to check on her, we don't know which end is up. Once we uncover her a bit we find a sweaty little baby who snores.
Nora is still giving the finger to daylight savings, primarily by waking up at 4:45 (yesterday) or 5:15 (today) and shrieking. Blurry-eyed, Alec and I end up in her room telling her it is too early and also that shrieking is so totally not okay. I even threatened a timeout this moring and it actually worked. So, now 6:15 feels like we're sleeping in.
As for the house. I have been in a PMS-related rage at the kitchen designer. It is not my finest hour/day/weeek. Once I calm down a bit I will give you all the boring details.

Fuck Daylight Savings

2005-10-31T09:03:00.000-08:00

I am not a nice person before six am. I suppose it could be argued that I am not much of a nice person after six either. But, trust me when I say that I am unbearable before six. I think it goes back to my high school days when I worked at the pool. Everyone had to do an early bird shift once a week. The pool opened at 5:30am and there needed to be two lifeguards on duty. My personal belief is that if you want to swim laps at 5:30 in the morning you should be willing to drown. Especially, if it is January and 12 degrees. My entire week was built around the dread that my one shift per week generated. The entire night before I would be lamenting my fate. Need to open the doors at 5:30? I'd leave the house at 5:28, leave my bed at 5:27:30 and scrape the windshield at 5:29. Back in those days I welcomed FallBack, because it meant a slight reprieve from the Early Bird. But toddlers don't seem to understand the benefit of gaining an extra hour in the morning. Nora awoke at five fucking am and I just ignored her. Sure, I wasn't getting any sleep, but at least I wasn't giving in to her. At around 5:30, I finally relented and got up to make her a bottle and ask Alec if he intended to share in the wealth of an extra hour of Nora. While I slammed through the kitchen swearing and preparing her bottle, Alec went into her room. Surprise, she had reached into her shitty diaper and surprise wiped it all over her crib, sheet, blanket, and self. Fucking sweet.

We are NOT drywalling this week

2005-10-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

Serves me right. I HAD to get all excited and proclaim the fact that drywalling was immenent. In fact the actual drywall is nowhere to be found, at least that is what the drywall guy says. I'm thinking, if this is your business, your career, wouldn't you make sure that you had drywall, or at least a source for it? Anyway, this entire week has gone by without a drywall srew being drilled, and I am heading home tomorrow and will not see any of the progress that I anticipated.

Meanwhile, here in Rice Lake, it's...well... very depressing. The houses are all these dismal little one story ranch houses. No character. And the big story this week is the opening of the Wal-Mart Super Center. The old Wal-Mart is now one more empty building. And the bookstore I worked at in High School closed down, because ya' know they sell books without the huge discounts. And the pool where I worked in High School has a big crack in it, so I guess it is closed for a while. Each time I come back here I remember why I was in such a hurry to leave. DEPRESSION. Even the beautiful fall colors and crisp days can do little to combat the desperation this town emotes. I suppose it goes without saying that I was a drama queen in high school too.

Seven Months Pregnant

2005-10-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

I can barely remember what being seven months pregnant was like. But, I'm pretty sure that is about where we are with the house. You look ready to lay down and have that baby right where you are, but there are still 2 looong months ahead. Months filled with the hurried preparations of a new baby. Weeks when you think, "Let's have this baby already!" Similarly our house looks pretty well done, the changes are small and incremental. But can't it just be finished, seriously. We are in a mad rush of picking out carpet, appliances, cabinets, tile, EVERYTHING that goes into a new house. And we are doing it by committee, which can be very time consuming. Just like with Nora, there are things you have to buy, necessary, expensive things...crib, car seat, diapers and then there are those lovely little non-essentials that make having a baby worth it, clothes, shoes, toys, bedding. The house is the same way. Bathtubs must be bought, but what kind of fixtures are all a matter of taste (and budget). This state of expectation and excitement is dampered by the long weeks ahead, weeks of setbacks, rain, bloating, and constant peeing. And with my track record, seriously overdue!

Hopes and Dreams

2005-10-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately about what I hope for Nora as she grows up. Do I hope that she finds her passion, of course. But, what are the ramifications of that. I mean wouldn't we all like to "pursue" our passions? But how does that pay the bills? I would love her to be a ballerina or a artist or a writer, but what if that means that she'll be broke and, and, not able to buy expensive handbags? Then again, what kind of parents wants their child to grow up to be a financial analyst, not the kind of parent I want to be. I mean what if being artsy means that she is living with us until she's in her thirties...that is just too awful to think about. I guess this is coming from me evaluating my own choices in life. There is nothing like a neighborhood meeting to really distill all your life choices down to their essence.
"So, what do you do then."
"Um, actually right now I work part-time at the university for benefits, but I have my master's in children's literature."
"Really, what kind of books do you write?"
"I don't write, but I have graded papers for the univeristy class on Children's Literature."
"Oh, so you teach."
"Ah, no. Just grade papers for the professor."
Meanwhile, the monthly payment for my student loans is due.

Rainy day

2005-10-17T13:25:00.000-07:00

It is a lovely rainy day today. The kind that make you want to bake and drink cocoa, read a book, and curl up with a cat. The rain that is charming after months of sunshine. And the kind that is perfect for working in an office, listening to the Garden State soundtrack and looking out at the gray sky, which incidently is just what I am doing right now.
I can only have this attitude because I don't live in a studio with my only child sleeping in a room under the house. Instead I belong to that set of society that lives in more than one room, and has their children sleeping in a room down the hall where they can peek in at them at any moment.
The house is being insulated today. It might only take one day, but let's say it takes two, we'll still be starting drywalling this week. WE'LL BE STARTING DRYWALLING THIS WEEK!!!! After that is finished, we paint, put in flooring, order kitchen cabinets, get tiles, basically get to all the fun stuff. And see what this place is actually going to look like. It is just so fucking cool I'm speechless.

Trading Spaces

2005-10-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

We live in the big house now. Vic and Faye are in the studio. They insisted, no really they did, and who are we to tell them that living in a coverted two car garage is not really all that much fun. I mean, sometime you just have to learn by doing, right? And during this learning curve Alec, Nora, and I might as well live in luxury. Okay, in all honesty we owe to Nora, what a little trooper. She choose just the right time to learn to climb out of her crib, scaring the bejeezus out of her grandma.
Here's how it played out:
We spent two nights and one day in the studio before they returned. The transistion was not going well for me, refer to earlier post. But, Alec had faith that in time it would be fine. Nora seemed bored with the small space of the studio, I believe I also commented on that fact in my lament. I expressed these feelings to Faye and she was sympathetic, but didn't really know what could be done. Then Nora woke up from her nap and Faye and I went down to get her. She was not in her crib. She was on top of the table that is next to her crib, fists full of toys and appearing to be returning to her crib. In other words we caught her at just the right moment. I'm not sure how long she'd been getting in and out of her crib, but the morning before, I had come in to find her sitting in a basket, tipped over and pinned to the side of the crib. I did wonder at the time how she managed to reach that basket as I was sure I had put it well out of range. But, that seemed like an insignificant question when what I was really wondering was how the hell she got herself sitting IN the basket, it was tiny.
(Personal References: Brandy: it was the basket that the Zingerman's stuff came in. Ali: It reminded me of the picture of Beave in the basket when she was a kitten.)
SO once we realized that Nora was getting out of her crib, it seemed like a natural progression that she would open the door and go roaming about the yard in the middle of the night, that is until she ran into a coyote. Faye was thus determined that we should move into the house and they would endevour to live in the studio, which anyway is much bigger than the Spanish pensionnes they had just been staying at. Like I said, who are we to dissaude them. We've been sleeping in the new digs for two nights now and I don't know about anyone else, but I think this is going to work out fine.

Trying to readjust

2005-10-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

I don't want to go back to studio living. In fact, it may even be that I CAN'T go back. It s-u-c-k s, hard.
For one thing, we don't know how much longer the house will take 2 months, 3 months, more? It appears that it is anyone's guess. I just can't hold out over the rainy season again. Today, was our first full day back in the studio and Nora is not into it. It is far too small and boring to hold her attention and she threfore spends her energy on getting into everything that is off limits. That leads to battles of will, and crying and tearing of hair, mostly mine. So, what do we do?

Our only option is to stay in V&F's vacation rental. It too, is small, but at least there are different rooms, and a back yard, and close to downtown. I'm not sure how much rent they'd want. More than what we are paying now, no doubt. Plus if we are down there, it isn't as easy to work on the house (whenever that will happen) or for Faye to babysit Nora. But, the privacy and kitchen are strong draws for me.

I'm trying to stick it out, but at some point you just have to fold, right?

House? Yes, please.

2005-09-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

The corner of doors
Originally uploaded by jegoffin.

There are doors and windows in our house. And a roof too. And boxes of flooring that we sill someday walk on, I think. I hope. Thanksgiving?
Though no one is working on the house this week and the netflix disc 2 of season four of Six Feet Under was broken, I'm in a pretty happy state.
Seeing the house get further and further along is just amazing. I can't wait to unpack my boxes and move the hell in! We are trying to plan the kitchen cabinet layout right now. Course, it takes a back seat to painting tongue and groove boards (56 of them), showing the Donze rental, finishing up Faye's design job, and oh yeah, taking care of Nora. Also, playgroup on Tuesdays, CASA on Thursday, and AAAGGGHHH, how did I become busy MOM person. I'm going to go watch TV for 15 minutes before I have to leave for work. Bye